Knowing
by JanetAndrews
Summary: Three little words change Clarisse's life. She has a decision to make. COMPLETE!
1. Knowing

_Hello dear readers! First, I need to thank those of you who were kind enough to leave me a review. In the past few months, I've written a couple of scenes that I posted one at a time. I thought I would be able to leave it at that. But how do these things go, I start dreaming again and before I know it, I write something that could happen after the last scene. And so on and so on. So, to prevent me from spamming this website, I decided to combine all my scenes and put them in one story. Because that's what it is, a longer story. I updated it today, and will continue until they are where I want them to be. Thanks for reading and I hope you will enjoy the new chapters! Love, Janet._

* * *

He hated his job.

Hated it.

His hand folded around the cold crystal and he brought his drink to his mouth. The amber liquid burned its way down his throat and he shivered slightly. The warmth emerged in his stomach, but it didn't wash away the frustration that soared through his system.

God he hated it.

Today, he hated being alert 24/7. He hated feeling like he was the only person held responsible. He hated the hours of waiting around without being able to lose focus. He hated always having to be the last person leaving the premises. He hated the ridiculous threats that had to be taken seriously. He hated his coworkers, hated the environment and the incompetent police he had to deal with far too many times. He hated his gun that was tucked away in his jacket. He hated his license to injure or kill people who came too close to those he was protecting. Today, he hated the parties, the people, the fake smiles, the acted interest, the uneasiness, the forced jokes. But mostly he hated, _hated_, not being able to talk about what he was feeling on the inside. Hiding, covering up, keeping up appearances, day in, day out.

He pressed the cold drink to his forehead, rolling it carefully over his skin. It was getting late. In the morning, it would be the same pattern all over again. Night and day, he was forced to be here. But today, he didn't want to be here. He didn't want to be the man he witnessed in the mirroring surface of his drink. Today he wanted to leave. Get away from it all. He needed a way to escape the madness in this place, the madness in his head, his heart. He could leave the palace for a while, run for a few miles, to think, to scream, to fight if he needed it. Because God, he needed something. But first and foremost, he needed more ice.

* * *

She hated her job.

Hated it.

She paced through the palace, passing endless walls covered with paintings. Faceless people who were staring at her, judging her.

God she hated it.

Today, she hated being in charge, being the wise one all the time. She hated being possessed by millions of people. She hated being on display, being watched, being supervised, being advised, being guarded. She hated always being the one they were waiting for. She hated her tiara that pressed into her skull, giving her a slight headache. She hated her jewels, they felt like chains at times. She even hated her own smile, hated the feeling of being forced to smile. Today she hated her responsibilities, her tasks, the pressure, yes even the parliament and her staff. And she hated, _hated_, not being able to say this out loud. Covering up, hiding the truth from everyone, pretending to be better, pretending to be holier than thou, pretending, acting…day in, day out.

Maybe there was a way to escape. Maybe she could find a way to find someone to replace her, if only for a little while. Maybe people wouldn't mind if she took a leave of absence. Maybe she could pretend to be overworked, or upset, or maybe it was simply time to step down. But she couldn't just yet. Not before her son was ready to take her place. Night and day, for a good many years to come, she was forced to be here in the palace. Serving the crown, serving the people, serving her country. It was all in her head, her heart, in her veins. She just needed some time to see the good -things again. Needed a little time away from it all. But for now, she needed something cold to drink.

* * *

The kitchen was dark, cold and vacant, but the lazy chair in the far end corner was soft and warm. He leaned his back to the soft leather cushions, sighing deeply before taking a sip. When watching movies, he never understood why people would sit in complete darkness when having a drink…but now it made perfect sense. Calm around him. Sweet bliss of peace and quiet. Silence. Complete silence.

Driven. Strong. Stubborn. Blunt. Forward. Instinctive. A leader.

That's how the people who worked for him described him. Pig-headed. Protective. Smart, maybe. Guiding, perhaps. He'd never shown his softer side, had never allowed anyone to look past his tough exterior.

Why on earth did it have to happen? Why on earth did God or whoever it was in charge find it necessary to place him square in the path of danger? He used to be in control of his body and his mind. He could tell it to run, to stop, to heat up or to cool down. He used to be able to ignore pain, avoid heartache, stop negativity from having an impact on him. He could always function, whenever, wherever. And now… He was risking his career, his life, his sanity by thinking this way. Must stop. He shook his head. Must stop this instant. He took another sip, listening to the ice twinkling in his glass. And then he heard something else.

The silence outside had been replaced by the sound of footsteps coming closer. Closer in his direction. He hoped, he prayed they would walk right past him. But then her familiar cough made him lose all hope.

He froze breathlessly as the door of the kitchen opened quietly and he watched her come in, a blurry vision in purple satin. Fighting the familiar urge to get up as she entered a room, he watched her silently, his heart pounding. Judging by her steady pace she had not seen him, he realized, and she made her way over to the refrigerator. Calmly, she opened it, and as the light of the fridge basked her into its stream, her silhouette made him swallow hard. One arm was lifted up, leaning on the counter. Her head was slightly bent down, looking down to the contents of the fridge. He saw the curls on her forehead, those who refused to be combed back or blow-dried. He noticed the contours of her neck, so gracious, so elegant. He'd never known a woman with a more gracious neck than her. He saw the curve of her nose, painted in black, her eyelashes almost touching her cheeks. Slowly, as if she would feel it if he went too fast, he allowed his gaze to slide lower. Her feminine curves were visible through the thin satin of her robe, a view of her entire form was accessible to him, and although he did see it - he didn't take it all in. For all the sensuality of her silhouette, for all the beauty she exposed to him, something about her showed a sense of mourning, of solitude, a sense of… loneliness.

Lonely.

He momentarily closed his eyes. She was just as lonely as he was.

Oh he knew the origin of his frustration, the cause of his turmoil. Joseph wasn't a stupid man. His gut tightened deeper and he shook his head slightly. He did not dare to open his eyes again, fearing she would be gone if he did. And at the same time he never wanted to look at her again while she was in such a state. She didn't deserve to feel lonely. Clarisse wasn't a woman who should be lonely. She deserved someone who made her feel like…he sighed…like she made him feel. Wanted. Loved. Appreciated. She shouldn't leave this kitchen without knowing, without understanding how much she meant to him. She shouldn't spend another night without having a sense of what could happen, what should be happening, what felt so right in his core and at the same time what felt so utterly wrong. At the very least she had a right to know. And then, suddenly, without even realizing he had even made the decision to speak, he blurted out the words that had been boiling inside him for so long. Eyes kept shut, his voice hoarse and soft, he told her. He finally told her.

"I love you."

Silence fell and hesistantly he opened his eyes, his breath high in his throat, his body completely paralyzed. For a second he wondered if she had heard him but then he saw the change in her, he saw her standing as if frozen to the ground. The shifting of her head wasn't more than an inch, almost invisible in the darkness, but Joseph knew she had heard him. Oh she had heard him all right. And then she closed the fridge. Finally she moved.

Clarisse trembled. From head to toe she trembled. At first from the shock of having someone in the same room as her without her knowledge. But as that first rush of adrenalin quieted down a bit, she realized who had spoken, and what he had said. She closed her eyes silentely, allowing his words to drench her like a warm, soothing shower.

He loved her.

The concept was not new. She had sensed it for quite some time now. And she knew he sensed it too. It was not unexpected. It was certainly not unwanted. But hearing him say the actual words was very new and oh so unexpected. All of her senses were suddenly awake. Blood rushed through her veins and she felt the pounding of her heart in her ears. An enticing feeling, warm and sensual travelled from the deepest corners of her stomach throughout her whole system. She inhaled deeply through her nose. Warmth. Finally.

For an awful long time, neither of them spoke. And both knew that this was the last thing they would say to each other this evening. For her to turn around now would confirm what he had said, it would open up a world that was meant to stay hidden. Speaking to each other, to talk about it, would be admitting something that could not be admitted. By not communicating at this very moment, they would be able to move forward tomorrow. She knew that. And he knew that.

Clarisse had longed for this moment but for some reason she had always dreaded it; fearing it would hurt a thousand times more when knowing his true feelings without being able to return the love and comfort. And yet the opposite occurred as she was standing there in the kitchen, her back turned towards the man who haunted her dreams and occupied her heart. For now, the hurt and frustration she had felt earlier seemed to melt away inside her and was replaced by a deep and all consuming sensation that she needed now more than anything.

Hope.

Joseph breathed deeply as he looked at her, begging her silently to not respond, at least not yet. It was enough that he had said it, finally he had been able to say what he had been carrying in his heart for so long. A burden was lifted, his chest was suddenly light and free. For what seemed a decade, he had imagined this moment so often to the extent that his body had become a sleeping volcano. It had been practically safe to be around him but tonight he had erupted. If only just a bit. He had to force the volcano back to sleep and he knew he could. Now he had told her, he could. And so he got up. Slowly.

As Clarisse heard the crackling sound of the leather chair behind her, she tilted her head slightly. Like so many times before, at parties, during meetings, in sheer happiness and in deep mourning, she could not resist to glance aside. She had to find him.

They caught each other's glance the second he turned to exit the kitchen. It was brief, it was sudden and it was explosive. Clarisse blinked. Joseph swallowed. And then, as if they made a pact, a careful knowing smile appeared on both their faces.

And then both turned away from the other. Joseph sighed deeply as he closed the kitchen door behind him. One hand came up to cover his mouth and he shook his head quietely. His trembling hand wiped away his smile and he stored it somewhere deep. Perhaps to be used for another time, another place. Joseph straightened his jacket and walked towards the security center, his pace steady.

Clarisse flattened her hands on the kitchen counter, staring at the sparkling diamond on her hand. Beautiful, she mused. Her gaze moved to the window and she stared at the high walls and towers of her castle. Looking even higher, she glanced at the flag above the highest tower. It was powerful, majestic, elegant…and it was hers. She smiled, nodded proudly and then one hand folded around her warm, fluttery stomach. It was all hers.

God they loved their jobs.


	2. Connected

It was black. Black and solid. And oh, it was shiny. That was just about all she knew about the darn thing. Brand, type, features? No idea. She never even bothered to buy one herself. One day it had appeared on her desk in a white square box and she was summoned to learn how to operate it. Her son had insisted she start using a cell phone, it would come in useful one day he had said. It was the 21th century for heaven's sake and she had to 'get on with it'. And so she did, she 'got on with it'. Or at the very least, she tried.

The first few days she didn't like it. The buttons were too small for her well manicured fingers, the display was too bright and she always had to use her glasses to see who called her. All of her complaints were taken away by a simple change of the settings. There had been no excuse left not to use it. However, most days she completely forgot about it and it would be stowed away in her purse way too deep. Two days later she would gasp and check her messages but so far, she had not missed out on anything important. People knew where and how to reach her without calling her on her cell. She discreetly checked the time on the phone's display and slipped it back into her purse.

Clarisse was tired. Tired and bored. She had been working since 6 that morning and now, at 16:00, she found herself at yet another interminable meeting. The Board Meeting for the Children's Hospital of Genovia was her last appointment of the day. The fact that it wasn't really a serious meeting was causing her mind to wander. The subject of the meeting was the theme, menu and guest list for the Hospital Foundation's Annual Charity Ball, certainly nothing that would normally require her presence, but she attended out of a sense of obligation. Clarisse served the Foundation as well as the Hospital, and understood that the Board should put its stamp of approval on all such decisions. So here she was, sitting in a large conference room with the Hospital's Communications Director, the Special Events Coordinator, the caterer, the florist, and of course, a variety of Hospital administrators. And now she felt strained, tired and bored like a schoolgirl at the end of the day. Her fingers were tapping an unknown rhythm on the table and she couldn't suppress a little yawn while listening to the long monologue of the Director.

At first she wasn't aware of the vague buzzing sound that seemed to come from underneath the table. She turned her head when it didn't stop, not understanding where it came from. But after a while she realized that it came from underneath her table. From her purse, to be exact. Frowning, she leaned to the side to lift up her purse and reached into it. Her fingers closed around her little cell phone. It buzzed again.

Coughing in her hand, she flipped open her phone and tried to keep it hidden from those around her. With success, she realized. Apparently she wasn't the only one who wasn't paying attention. Glancing beneath the table, she saw an envelope lighting up on her screen. She had a new text message, her phone told her. Clarisse frowned; her curiosity got the better of her and after a quick glance to verify that nobody saw her, she opened the message.

_"Slacker"_ she read.

With a snapping sound she closed her phone, her cheeks flushed as if she was caught doing something naughty. Coughing again, she pretended to straighten her hair and she looked around, trying to determine the source of the message. It didn't take long. Right behind the caterer, who was sitting across the table from her, was a huge pillar. And right behind it, a familiar face with twinkling eyes was looking right at her. Joseph did not smile, held his face in a neutral expression as always, but as she stretched her neck just a little, she saw his cell phone in his hand. She could not help it; deep down in her throat an urge to giggle was forming. Yet she held her composure and with her right hand, she opened her phone again. Thank goodness for Philippe's instructions, she thought, as she typed up a response. Without thinking twice, she hit "send" and hid her phone in her lap. Her hand folded around her cheek, listening intently to the speaker.

Joseph held his face neutral but his heart jumped when his phone buzzed in his hand. Slowly, he took a step backwards until he was behind the pillar, out of sight of the meeting's participants, and then he opened his connection.

_"It takes one to know one." _

A smile formed on his lips automatically. He had judged her right, even though he had been very nervous when he sent her that text message. For a moment he hesitated; he did not want to put her in an uncomfortable situation but as he turned a little to glance in Clarisse's direction, he immediately met her gaze. She was looking right at him. Waiting. And so he stepped away again, his fingers already working fast.

"So we're trying to agree on the color of the…eh... centerpieces…?" Clarisse couldn't recall a time when she had been less involved in a meeting.

"Yes, we are thinking burgundy." The florist was looking at her directly now, frowning when she faltered.

"Yes, burgundy, yes, good choice," she nodded, scolding herself for her unprofessional behaviour this afternoon. What on earth was she doing?

She leaned back in her chair as the florist began to present their options. The buzzing feeling on her lap almost made her chuckle but she shook her head, trying not to get distracted. But her fingers didn't obey her. They opened her phone and she was already reading before her common sense had time to stop her. _"Burgundy? As in wine?"_

Shaking her head lightly in amusement, she looked up but Joseph wasn't behind the huge pillar anymore. In fact she couldn't find him at all. For a moment she felt a sting of disappointment in her stomach. But right before she decided to place the phone back in her purse, it buzzed again. A nervous tingle appeared deep down in her belly and her breathing became unsteady.

_"Yes I got the hell out of there. Envious?"_

Blood rushed to her cheeks and a giggle formed again in her throat, but she smothered it under a vague cough. Meanwhile, her fingers typed a response that made her heart beat even faster. She hit 'send' before she had time to give it another thought. _"Careful when you tease me. The guest list is the next topic. I might put you on it."_

Joseph had stepped outside and he inhaled the cool late afternoon air. It was very entertaining to communicate with her this way. But he wasn't just entertained by all this…somehow getting her complete exclusive attention was hugely flattering and exciting.

He typed back, kneeling down with his back against the stone cold wall. He didn't even feel it. _"As long as Baron von Finck is coming, I don't mind attending it. He's always good for a laugh."_

Her answer came almost straight away and he chuckled when he thought of her sitting in that conference room with her cell phone in her hands.

_"Of course, what's a party without the German Bum Pincher?"_

He laughed out loud. Of course she knew what he was referring to. He could not resist and his fingers typed the question he had always wanted to ask but it had seemed inappropriate before. Now, without actually seeing her face, it was so much easier to speak his mind. _"Has he ever pinched you?"_

Clarisse almost gasped out loud when she read Joseph's bold question. Her tummy tightened a bit, and she shifted restlessly on her seat, realizing the way their conversation was heading. With slight trembling fingers, she responded. _"Interestingly no. Should I be insulted?" _

He whistled through his teeth as he read the message and a wicked grin appeared on his face. Subtle Clarisse, very subtle. His stomach felt tingly, a bit restless. _"I better sidestep that one,"_ he answered.

Within seconds he read: _"Coward."_

His stomach twirled and turned inside him as he read her message over and over again. Did she mean what he thought she meant? What he hoped she meant? Was she flirting with him now? Ever since he had told her he loved her in that dark, secluded kitchen, there had not been one little hint in that direction ever since. Not even a glance or a stolen smile, they had vowed secrecy without talking about it. There were times when he even doubted if that evening had really occurred.

Twice, he typed up a message and both times he deleted them again. Kicking himself for being so rusty at this, he finally sent: _"It's like the Mona Lisa. Look, admire, but never touch it."_

Reading his reply, Clarisse's cheeks had turned as burgundy as the flower arrangement the florist had spoken about earlier. A weird sense of excitement rushed through her body, something she had not experienced before. Deep down she was enjoying this little tool of communication a little too much. It was ridiculous to wait for his messages while she was supposed to be working. And yet, it had been ages since she had felt this carefree and young.

She could not resist taking it one step further. _"I'm glad I have you to protect my assets."_

Joseph almost laughed out loud, he had not seen this wicked side of her yet but he enjoyed it immensely. If possible, it made him fall even harder for her which was something he could not use at this very moment. But it was too wonderful, too exciting, too thrilling to resist and so he sent one more message. _"Who's going to protect them from me?"_

A few minutes later he was still staring at his cell phone. It stayed dark. Silent.

In confusion he looked up. Had he taken it too far? Carefully he stepped from behind the big wall and headed inside the Hospital lobby. An uneasy feeling washed over him and he turned his head slightly, checking his phone once more. Nothing. In fact, silence was all around him and he blinked in confusion. Then, as he glanced through the window of the conference room, he realized that the meeting was over and people were waiting for Clarisse to release them from their spots. As she officially ended the meeting Joseph hurried his way back, getting in position near the front door. His cell phone was still glued in his hand and against better knowledge, he glanced at it once more before he put it away in his pocket.

It did not take Clarisse longer than a few minutes to reach him, her scarf wrapped around her shoulders and saying quick goodbyes to those she passed.

Not looking up when Joseph suddenly appeared next to her, she made her way down the staircase and out the door, her high heels calmly crushing the gravel beneath them.

Joseph opened the car door for her, trying to meet her gaze once more but he failed; she did not look at him. His stomach felt as if he had swallowed a brick.

"Your Majesty, I eh…" he started as he positioned himself behind the steering wheel.

"Home, Joseph…" she said in a tone that revealed nothing.

"Certainly ma'am," he nodded. For a few moments they were silent and Joseph turned on the music, feeling a bit unsure.

"Mona Lisa?" she suddenly said and finally he met her gaze in the rear view mirror. Her amusement was subtle but he knew her too well; her eyes twinkled and the corners of her mouth pulled slightly.

"Lovely painting," he said, his throat tightening. It was one thing to text with her, to talk to her directly in this manner was a whole different thing.

She shook her head and looked outside, ignoring his suggestive eyes. "I thought I was going mad when I got your first message."

"We all go a little mad sometimes," he stated.

"Psycho…" she said.

He smiled. "Yes. Great movie, we should watch that some time."

Her voice lowered as she suddenly gazed at him in the mirror. "So let me get this straight. First you interrupt my meeting, then you compare me to Mona Lisa and now you are offering me a scary movie?"

"It's a classic movie," he shrugged, trying to hit a light and casual tone.

"So it is," she nodded. "Perhaps we should watch it."

For a few minutes it remained silent in the car as she put her reading glasses on, unfolded a document and started to read.

"Joseph?"

"Yes Your Majesty?"

She did not look up from her papers. "Don't ever pull a stunt like that again."

He nodded. "Understood ma'am."

It was silent for a few seconds and Joseph braced himself. He knew it would come.

She glanced at him over the rim of her glasses. "Unless I ask you to."

He grinned and then, oh bliss, her deep belly laugh filled the car as they drove over the Pyrus Bridge. He should make that sound his ringtone.

**The End.**


	3. Fireworks

The garden was lit with thousands of little lights that sparkled in the evening air like diamonds. Hundreds of torches bathed the terrace in a nice, comforting warmth. Genovia's Annual Summer ball, held to celebrate the start of summer, was a huge success according to the majority of the guests who attended. The starry sky above was the perfect venue for the fireworks at midnight.

Soft, gentle music played through the speaker system and Clarisse sipped from her champagne; smiling gently at the man and woman who passed her on the way to the grand buffet. The damp evening air gave off the scent of the lilacs and roses that were planted in her garden. She wore one of her favourite gowns. It was, in many ways, the perfect evening.

Prime Minister Motaz' baritone voice pulled her out of her pondering and she looked up, immediately armed with a smile. "Your Majesty, may I introduce you to Thomas and Mary Sanderson?"

With a wide arm gesture, Motaz positioned a nervous looking man and woman right in front of her. "Of course," Clarisse nodded, in a split second remembering who they were, and she extended her hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Sanderson."

"The pleasure's all mine ma'am," the heavy built man smiled broadly. "We can't believe we got so lucky to be invited to this party. My wife even made me rent a tuxedo. It almost fits me!"

"Thomas!" The wife in question had dark hair and bright blue eyes, which pierced right into her husband's.

Clarisse chuckled. "Well you both look lovely. And it's a pleasure to have you here. After all, everything you did for the Children's shelter shouldn't be overlooked."

The couple in front of her smiled broadly at her compliment and she returned the gesture, smiling kindly.

"Your Majesty, we wanted to take this opportunity to thank you," Mary Sanderson started, blinking nervously.

Clarisse shook her head. "Oh there is no need to thank me."

The lady grabbed her husband's hand, seemingly gathering courage. "Yes there is, Your Majesty. We want to say thank you because we met each other…because of you."

"Really?" Clarisse searched the eyes of Motaz who winked at her. She suppressed a smile.

"Yes, you see, it was the day of your birthday and…"

From a fair distance, Joseph watched the scene below. He didn't need to try and find her, he knew where she was without even trying. This evening she wore a long evening gown and from where he was standing, it seemed almost silver. But he knew that when he would look closer, the sheer white fabric would be embroidered with sparkling flower patterns, made of hundreds of small diamonds and pearls. The neckline was elegant, somewhat off shoulder, and she had a soft shawl draped around her neck. The dress was so stunning, that when combined with her natural beauty and poise, people seeing her could simply not pass her by. They simply stopped to stare. For some reason, Clarisse oozed an elegance and class that, even if she wasn't who she was, people would still take notice. She was truly unique.

He watched her finish with the couple she had been talking to, and then she strolled slowly through the garden, nodding and smiling at faceless people surrounding her. So many men and women, dressed to the nines, wanted something from her and begged her for a smile. She delivered each and every time.

Joseph straightened up when he witnessed her turn suddenly, and quickly and determinedly stride away. If he didn't know her better, he would think she was simply on her way to meet more guests who entered. But this evening, not for the first time in all the years he had watched her, he knew that Clarisse's resolve was slipping. He sucked in a deep breath, knowing where she was heading.

Sighing deeply, she made her way inside and headed immediately towards the staircase.

"Your Majesty? Is everything all right?"

Clarisse looked up and found herself in the concerned eyes of her loyal assistant.

"Yes Charlotte, I'm fine. Just a bit tired is all," she answered with a polite smile.

Charlotte's eyes narrowed. "If you wish to retire for the evening, I can…"

"No," Clarisse said, shaking her head. "It's fine, I'm fine…I just need a moment. I'll be back in time for the fireworks."

Then, after slight hesitation, she excused herself and moved forward and up the stairs. Away from her assistant. Away from the party. Away from the people who loved…and who were being loved. The Anderson's had thanked her for bringing the other into their lives. The couple had thanked her because they had forgotten what it could be like, being with someone. While listening to them, Clarisse had witnessed pure love and gratitude in both their eyes, she had praised their happiness…and suddenly it had been too much. For the first time in years, she had felt so utterly alone that it made her throat tighten.

The world didn't make sense to her anymore. Something had changed inside of her and it had an impact of every aspect of her life. For a good while now, she felt something. Something other than frustration and an overwhelming sense of obligation and guilt. She felt desire. Desire to feel life rushing through her veins. Desire for sweet dreams at night. Desire for a man who was within her arm's reach…and yet so far away that she could not touch. But the desire had been building and building, and somehow it had flooded her with so much power that it had washed away her common sense. She had taken hold of the desire because she was tired of not feeling it. Clarisse had only herself to blame for letting it in.

The balcony was dark and empty, as opposed to the party downstairs, and she breathed out slowly as she walked to the banister. She was immediately rewarded by the beauty of her garden and the heavy perfumed air enveloped her, making her feel a bit melancholic. She breathed in deeply, watching the dancing and laughing people below. It seemed like she was not part of it anymore.

Then, slowly, she tilted her head, listening intently. As if thousands of little needles prickled her in her spine, she realized she wasn't alone here on the balcony. And she knew who was with her before her eyes had time to confirm it. A strange relieved feeling washed over her. Carefully, she glanced aside, breathing in deeply. Next to her, leaning in the corner of the banister, out of view for everyone else, was Joseph. Judging by his pose, it seemed like he had been there for a fair amount of time.

He wasn't even supposed to be here but somehow she had known where to find him. He was always where she needed him to be, always the supportive shoulder. She knew why she depended on him, why she trusted him, needed him. But one thing had been going through her mind ever since that evening roughly a month ago. That evening in the kitchen when he told her something that had turned her world upside down. She heaved a big sigh.

"Why me, Joseph?"

He blinked at her sudden question. "What?"

"Why me?" she repeated and then she gestured to the crowd below. "There are so many women out there who can give you what you need. So many women who are free to live their lives the way they want to. Why choose me…why choose this difficult path?"

He exhaled slowly through his mouth, staring at her profile. "Do you think I have a choice in this?"

Her face lifted upwards and she blinked for no apparent reason. "There's always a choice."

He spoke slowly, carefully. "You don't have a choice when it comes to this. You of all people should know that."

She swallowed, feeling her heart beating painfully in her throat.

He continued after slight hesitation. "You can't decide that you don't love someone, just like you can't decide that you _**do**_ love someone. You don't get to make that choice. It happens. It exists. It evolves. If you had a choice Clarisse, wouldn't your life have been much easier?"

The truth had never hurt so much. Her eyes felt warm and heavy under the weight of her tears. Yet she refused to blink them away, knowing they would fall. Desperately she tried to swallow past the lump in her throat. Joseph had known all along that Rupert never had a full claim on her heart. She had tried to open her heart, she had tried so much…but despite her desperately wanting it so, she had never been able to truly, deeply, passionately love him. Not once had she talked about this subject, not with Rupert, and most definitely not with Joseph, who came along so many years later. But in their hearts, both men had known.

She inhaled deeply and lowered her head, staring downwards. "If you had a choice now, would you choose against it?"

"No."

The significance of his reply felt like a sudden weight placed upon her shoulders, a weight almost too heavy for her to bear. She stared out into the darkness, and whispered almost to herself, "But how could I ever give you what you need? I often wonder how I can give _**anyone**_ what they need…"

He sighed, suddenly desperate to make her understand. "My God, Clarisse. You really don't get it do you? You don't understand how truly special you are. How unique. You don't understand the effect you have on people. How very special you are able to make people feel, with even just a few moments of your time, a few simple words. You make people feel as if they matter, as if they belong. You look them straight in the eye and you say something to them that they know is sincere and gracious and meant only for them. You have something inside you that makes people want to reach out to you."

When she stayed silent, he hesitated to go on. But then he took a deep breath, he just had to make her see. "It's a gift that you have Clarisse. You connect with people on some basic level. That image that people have of you at first – the beautiful, sad Queen – so remote at times. So regal, so charming, so elegant and lovely. Can anyone really be that perfect? And yet – you are so very real. You are one of them. You understand, you truly care. That image of perfection isn't an image at all – it's the very essence of you. "

She shook her head. "I'm not perfect. Nobody is perfect Joseph. I've never been perfect."

He smiled. "Don't you see? You are exactly what you seem to be. Somehow that makes you even more special, and generates even more respect. Such devotion to your country and your people – it's returned to you ten-fold, Clarisse. You are that special, that perfect – because you make everyone else believe they are special, too."

While listening, she had diverted her face as if she did not want to see even an inch from him. "Everyone?"

He stayed silent for a few seconds, realizing who she was referring to. "Everyone…" he then said. "Including me."

She shook her head again and Joseph once again realized she would never understand completely.

"What do you want from me?" she suddenly asked, her voice high. It was getting harder and harder for her to breathe. Downstairs the party became more lively and festive, but she didn't hear the music or the voices. She only heard his soft voice floating towards her.

He shrugged. For so many years, I didn't understand myself what it was that I wanted from you. I only knew what I didn't want. I realized I didn't want the perfect portrayal of you to be all I'd ever see. I still don't want that."

She blinked in confusion. "What do you mean?"

He smiled softly. "I mean I realized I still want to be with you when the dreaming stops. When that lovely smile fades late at night, I want to be there. When reality, as rough and unwanted as it is at times, kicks in I still want to be there. The wall you built around you feels warm and comfortable for those who lean against it from the outside. I want to warm the inside of the wall for you."

She inhaled sharply, closing her fingers around the cold banister of the balcony. And then she suddenly felt his warm presence behind her. He did not touch her. She knew he wouldn't, but he was close, oh so very close.

"God, Clarisse…" he said in his low, hoarse voice. He stared at the beauty of her silhouette, watched the sparkles of her dress and studied the familiar curves of her face. It sent a dark, deep tremor through his entire system. Smelling her slightly sweet and enticing perfume, smelling her own unique scent that only Clarisse posessed, caused his body to respond in a maddening and all consuming way.

"Please…" she said softly, not knowing what she was asking him to do…or perhaps not to do. There didn't seem to be enough air for her to breathe freely.

He breathed close to her ear and she shivered as she felt the warmth of his body that fit her like a warm coat. "Don't move…" he whispered as she was about to shake her head. Then, as if invisible cords pulled on her, the silk shawl around her shoulders slid away, softly fluttering to the ground. "Just…don't move."

She did not answer but breathed deeply, her feet still as if frozen to the ground. She'd never been this close to him before, at least not in the way he was positioned behind her now. Afterwards, she could never tell how long it lasted. But it felt like hours and at the same time it seemed only a couple of seconds. The truth was probably somewhere in the middle. She felt his body close, they were not quite touching but they basked in each other's warmth.

Eyes falling shut, Clarisse lost herself in the moment. Part of her wanted to pull his arms around her, to create a protective shield…and part of her wanted to stay like this forever. It was so pleasant to feel him right behind her, right where he belonged. He would always catch her when the world would crumble away around her. He was safe. Warm. Comforting.

But then, as he stepped even closer, she suddenly smelled him and it was exactly that masculine scent, that instantaneous recognition that made the safety of the cocoon they had created turn into something darker, more sensual. His warm breath tickled over her skin as if he was stroking her with a feather.

As if acting on its own, his head lowered and his lips were only inches away from her bare shoulder. The curves of her body were suddenly so close and he drank it all in as if dying from thirst, just by looking at her, smelling her. Joseph wasn't an innocent man when it came to sexual encounters, but that moment was the single most erotic thing he'd ever experienced. Just standing there, just feeling the heat of her body reaching his through two layers of cloth, was so poignant and so overwhelming that it made his head spin. He heard her breathing, he smelled her scent and he saw the flawless softness of her skin…he let the sensuality of her being take control of his senses. If only for a few seconds.

Joseph never wanted to leave but he knew they had to part. People would be wondering where she was. So he inhaled deeply, for one last time memorizing every inch of her that he could see. "I have to go. Enjoy the fireworks…" he whispered, and then he did something he had sworn he would never do. Yet the temptation was too strong.

Her eyes shot open when she suddenly felt his finger on the nape of her neck. He barely touched her but she gasped at the sudden contact, feeling how her tummy tightened and contracted in response. He traced her spine with his finger, inch by inch, very carefully yet in a deliberate slow pace. Electricity shot through her in hot waves and she shivered slightly, pushing slightly back against him.

He realized how her breathing quickened and his heart beat fast in his chest. Goosebumps appeared on her back, following his trace, and he held his breath, his head spinning. Slowly he stepped away from her, it felt unnatural to do so but he had no choice.

"Goodnight Clarisse…" he whispered.

After a small pause in which he thought she would not respond, he heard her hoarse whisper. "Goodnight Joseph."

Fifteen minutes after he had left the balcony, she was still glued to the ground. And finally, when the sky suddenly lid up above her, a careful smile formed on her lips.

The fireworks had begun.


	4. Adrienne

A disaster. That's what it was. A complete and utter disaster. How in the world could she let it come this far? What was she thinking? Out there on the balcony, out in open view for practically the whole world, she had taken a huge risk. She had allowed him to open up to her. He had been close, even. Very close. Too close in fact. And now she was pacing back and forth through her living room, too awake and too confused to sleep.

She glanced at her clock. It was 3 o'clock in the morning. Much too late, or much too early for that matter, to be awake. Her drapes moved slightly in front of the open window. Earlier, she had tried to cool off but it was useless. Her mind was in overdrive and her body was not obeying her anymore. Thinking of Joseph made her lips curve and her limbs weak. Freezing and nauseous a few seconds later, she realized the possible repercussions of her stupidity earlier that evening. Clarisse wasn't used to indecision; it was in fact one of the qualities she disliked in other people. Now, however, all her strength seemed to have melted away. She felt alone. Alone, and confused.

Pacing through the living room of her suite, she suddenly made a sharp turn and she grabbed her cell phone off of her side table. Suddenly Clarisse was in desperate need to hear a friendly voice. She needed her friend. Her best friend, her dearest friend she had known since forever, was only a phone call away. Her best friend, who always knew what to say to make her feel better. Adrienne. They saw each other about once or twice a year, and talked on the phone quite frequently, but oh she missed her so. Meeting in their pre-teens in boarding school had lead to a life long friendship. Being the daughter of an ambassador who served in Europe, Adrienne had never truly been involved in Clarisse's Royal duties but she seemed to understand better than most the pressure it brought. The last time she had seen Adrienne was over 6 months ago and Clarisse yearned for a connection. With trembling fingers, she dialled the number. On the other side of the ocean, they would be awake. Clarisse counted the times of the signal and prayed she wouldn't disturb.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Adrienne?"

The voice on the phone sounded confused. "Clarisse, is that you? At this hour? Are you all right?"

"Yes!" Clarisse exclaimed, trying to sound as light and casual as possible. "Can't a girl call her oldest and dearest friend at any time of the day? Why did you have to move back to the USA anyway?"

Adrienne gave her usual response, ignoring her comment about living abroad. "If you would leave out 'oldest,' I would answer that question with yes, you can call me anytime you want."

Clarisse laughed softly and her friend joined it. They spent a few minutes exchanging pleasantries, until Adrienne finally asked the question Clarisse had been expecting.

"What's wrong, Clarisse?"

She hesitated and immediately Adrienne's voice sounded alarmed, yet friendly.

"Clarisse?"

"It's just…I…"

"It's not your health, is it?"

She gasped, immediately feeling guilty for scaring Adrienne like this. "No, thank God for that. No, I'm fine darling, I am."

"Family alright? Genovia still exists as we know it?"

Clarisse smiled, as if Adrienne would see that. "All perfectly fine, I promise."

Adrienne's concern didn't seem to melt away. "What is it then? Darling how can I help you when you don't tell me what's happening?"

She hesitated once more, her tummy tightening. "Oh, Adrienne, I don't even know where to start..."

Now her friend sounded calmer, more encouraging. "I have time. No kids at home, no husband nagging. Just my two cats."

Her heart skipped an extra beat, realizing she had to explain herself a little better. This phone call suddenly felt like a bad idea, even though she relished hearing the support in Adrienne's voice. To her own surprise, she suddenly blurted it out. "I don't know what to do Adrienne. I literally don't know what to do."

"Wait, let me sit down for this." She heard her friend curling up into her soft sofa. "Did something happen?"

"Not necessarily but…" Again she faltered and she could hit herself for making this decision. She felt cornered.

Adrienne chuckled. "The last time you were so secretive with me you announced your engagement to Ru…" Suddenly she paused and Clarisse closed her eyes in despair. She should have known Adrienne would hit the nail on the head. "Oh my God, Clarisse. Is this about a man?"

She paced through the living room, gesturing with her free hand, and her other hand held her phone tight to her ear. As hard as she tried, the words simply wouldn't form in her mouth.

"I shouldn't even be talking about this. I don't know what's the matter with me."

Adrienne's friendly voice almost put tears to her eyes. "I'm not going to pressure you darling, but if calculate it right, it's 3:00 in the morning in Genovia and you called me. Perhaps you need an ear."

Clarisse sighed in defeat. "Perhaps you're right."

"Are you involved with someone?" To Clarisse's gratitude, Adrienne's voice lacked any sense of judgement. She sounded sincere and concerned, yet friendly.

Clarisse stayed silent, not really knowing how to respond. But it was all the answer Adrienne needed.

"I see…"

"I just…it's so complicated." Clarisse sighed in frustration. She was known for her ability to debate. But talking about her inner turmoil seemed impossible.

"Is it who I think it is?"

Clarisse blinked at this sudden question. "What?"

"Joseph…?"

Clarisse froze; her insides seemed to tie themselves into a knot. "How in the world…?" she gasped, her voice weak.

"Don't worry love," Adrienne said as if she could read her mind. "I've sensed for quite some time that you and that lovely bodyguard of yours share something special. I wasn't sure at first, I mean I could see how relaxed and unguarded – forgive me the expression – you acted around him. And how friendly you two have grown. But as I said, I wasn't sure that it wasn't just my overactive imagination."

"But…how…when did it change?" Clarisse asked quietly, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"Honestly?"

She shook her head in denial but forced herself to answer. "Yes."

"A while after Rupert passed away."

Clarisse swallowed, her cheeks burning. Panic was forming in her stomach and she inhaled deeply, desperately trying to stay calm.

"Darling…" Adrienne started. "It wasn't overnight. It's just that he seemed to become more personal towards you. More attentive, as if that were possible. More protective even. The last few times that I've been at the palace, we actually talked about him remember? At one point I even teased you about him, if memory serves me right."

"I remember." It was true. Adrienne had joked about that handsome man she always had at her beck and call. Clarisse had laughed about it and had waved her insinuations away. How in the world did Adrienne know that she had feelings for this man? And, more importantly, if she were this obvious to Adrienne, who else knew?

Adrienne continued: "But I never fully understood what was going on, until about six months ago."

"Six months ago?" Clarisse repeated stupidly.

"Yes. It was about that time when you actually _stopped_ talking about him. That gave you away. And when I came to visit you earlier this year, I saw you two dancing at the New Years Ball. I saw how happy you were, how at ease. It was then I knew for certain."

"Oh God…" Clarisse moaned, covering her eyes with one trembling hand. "Oh dear God…"

"Darling, it's just that I know you too well. From the sounds of it, I think it might just be possible that I knew before you did. Nobody else knows, I assure you." Then Adrienne laughed, continuing: "If it weren't for Joseph being such a treat for the eye, I wouldn't have paid so much attention to him in the first place!"

Clarisse groaned at the mere thought of her feelings being so transparent. Adrienne continued. "Clarisse, you haven't explained to me why this is a bad thing. There's nothing wrong about having feelings for someone."

Suddenly she started to ramble as her frustration reached its peak. "But that's just it! I'm completely and utterly messed up and I keep forgetting things and I can barely function. Today I threw my water glass all over a pile with important papers. I'm so confused Adrienne! I don't know what to do to make this all go away. It has to go away."

Adrienne sighed. "Clarisse, you know what you should do first?

"What?"

"You have to calm the hell down already."

Clarisse almost laughed and sat down on her sofa, rubbing her temple with her free hand. "Easy for you to say. You're not the one who…"

"Who what?"

She sighed. "I don't know."

Adrienne smiled, she heard it. "I'm not the one who's getting an awful lot of attention from a handsome man? Sadly enough, that is true."

Hearing that statement, Clarisse sobered up immediately. "Why am I even talking about this? I shouldn't even consider…I mean…" To her absolute horror, her voice was breaking and she inhaled deeply. "Please forget what I said? Please dear friend. I will deal with this."

"Clarisse…"

"Yes?"

"Calm down."

Clarisse sighed. "I know. God I know."

"Now. Did something happen that shouldn't have happened?"

"Not really."

Adrienne sounded confused. "Then why are you so concerned?"

"Because I…" Clarisse sighed in frustration and she was relieved when Adrienne finished for her.

"…Because you were tempted?"

She started pacing again, like a caved animal. "It's ridiculous for me to even think in that direction for just a second, Adrienne. I'm the Queen. So many people depend on me."

Adrienne's smile reached her through the phone. "That's true. But Clarisse, you're also a woman. A woman with needs."

She sniffed. "Needs are overrated. Just like hormones."

Adrienne just chuckled in response and then was silent.

Suddenly Clarisse heard her friend shifting in her seat. "It's scary, isn't it Clarisse? To feel something without people forcing you? Intoxicating…but scary."

Clarisse said nothing, closing her eyes in response. Her throat seemed to tighten and she swallowed desperately to be able to breathe. Truth was, she was scared out of her mind but until she heard Adrienne say these words, she hadn't fully recognized her feelings as such. It was a rude awakening.

Adrienne spoke softly. "You know what? It's a good thing Clarisse. It's a good thing you're allowing yourself to feel this way. It's about time. You deserve it."

"I deserve this?" she repeated stupidly. "I deserve this complete and utter chaos?"

Her friend chuckled for a second at her retort but turned back to serious immediately. "No you deserve romance in your life. Enjoy it Clarisse – cherish these feelings - be thankful that it has happened. It's okay, honestly."

She shook her head in denial. "It's not okay Adrienne. Nothing is okay about this situation. Nothing at all. As a Queen I have so many people…"

Her friend interrupted her. "Clarisse, how long have we known each other?"

She could not suppress a smile. "This fall, it will be 43 years and counting."

"In all these years, I have always watched you doing things that are best for everybody else. Duty has always come first. It's about time you did something that's best for you."

Clarisse took a few seconds to breathe out deeply, forcing herself to calm down. In a reasonable tone she continued the conversation. "But what on earth do I do now, dear friend? What _can_ I do?"

Adrienne was quiet for a moment and then she answered, her voice just as serious. "That all depends on what you want. Basically, you can do three things. One, you do what you've always done. You take a deep breath, you straighten your back, you bury your feelings and you move on. If you keep telling yourself you will survive, you will do just that. It's hard, but you will succeed. You always do."

"Yes…" A sting of disappointment emerged deep down her tummy.

Her friend did not wait for her response. "Two…and this is the easy way out…"

Clarisse perked up. "Which is..?"

"You fire him."

Her eyes widened, partly because Adrienne brought their work relationship to the surface. "What? No!" Clarisse spoke fast and determined. "No, Adrienne. Not about this. I can't…no I can't do that to him."

"Not just to him if you ask me."

She rubbed her forehead, ignoring the suggestive tone in her friend's voice. "What's option three?"

"Option number three, and this is the most tricky one of all…"

She folded a hand around her stomach, waiting for the final choice. "Yes…?"

"You give into temptation for once in your life. See where it leads you."

Clarisse shook her head, but deep down, her stomach was slowly filling up with tiny butterflies. They tickled her, teased her. "Adrienne…"

Adrienne paused for a while. "Clarisse, correct me if I'm wrong. This man is working for you. He has been with you for the better part of his career and he even lives on the Palace Grounds right?"

Clarisse's cheeks were burning and she folded her arm around her nerve-filled stomach. Her voice was high and shaky. "Yes…but what's that got to do with anything?"

Adrienne whistled through her teeth. "Forgive me for not being more eloquent, but wow."

"Wow what?"

"Well he's either a very clever, or a very stupid man."

"I'm not sure I'm following you." She was lying, she knew it, she did understand, but she wasn't ready to hear it.

Her friend continued. "Well tell me this. I don't know exactly what has happened between you two, but he has obviously let you know somehow that he has feelings for you. Would he take the risk of losing everything he has, without having at least a hunch that his feelings are mutual?"

Clarisse closed her eyes by the mere thought of that assumption. Adrienne was right. The feelings were mutual. And Joseph knew it.

Adrienne finished her plead. "I rest my case, Your Honor. You need to make a choice, Clarisse. For his sake…and yours."

* * *

_TBC...very soon! If you still want me to, of course :) _

_Love, Janet. _


	5. One More Walk

_Now, I promised an update so why not deliver straight away right? I sure hope I can deliver what you expect - it's hard, you know. Because this scene in particular has caused a lot of inner turmoil for me as well. Because one scenario didn't fit, the other did fit but it was too soon, a third was too much of everything and this is the fourth version. So I want to invite you to travel to Genovia with me once again. It's very late, or rather very early...and guess who's not sleeping after a certain phonecall with her best friend? _

_**One more walk…**_

It was 4 am. She only had two hours left to try to sleep and still she wasn't in her bed. Instead, she was strolling on the dark path that would lead her to the stables way in the back on the palace grounds. It wasn't a smart place to go, wearing her white satin blouse and her tanned slacks. But for once, she didn't care about her outfit. The cool night air still had a vague smell of fireworks and smoke. She just needed some air: a chance to be alone with her thoughts, a chance to think.

For what seemed the millionth time, her thoughts went back to roughly a month ago, the evening he had first told her how he felt about her. How happy she was to finally know that her head wasn't messing with her, that she had judged him right. For some reason it had seemed so simple then.

But now, the knowing made it all even harder. It made it harder because as time went by, the concept had started to live its own life in her imagination. She had allowed herself to dream about him, about them. And that had turned out to be the biggest mistake she'd made in a very long time. Because now she wasn't able to go on normally, every time she saw him her body and soul were yearning for him.

He was in love with her. He had no problems admitting that. Adrienne had been so right, he was risking everything he had…because of her. That knowledge put such a weight on her shoulders that it made it harder to breathe. And at the same time, it made her happier than she had been in years.

Clarisse stopped when she had reached the stables. Inhaling deeply, she sent oxygen to her brain, desperately trying to think clearly. The air was cool, it was quiet, a small breeze made the trees whisper around her and there was no more light than a small lamp attached to the stable wall. She sat down on the small wooden bench.

"Oh god…" she moaned for what seemed the 1000th time that evening. "Oh god…"

* * *

"Excuse me, Boss?"

Joseph looked up when he heard the sharp knock on the door of his suite. Quickly he got up from his bed, not that he was asleep anyway. Perhaps he had dozed off a few times but his mind was too awake, too alert to find the peace to sleep. Rubbing his face, he moved to the door and opened it. He nodded briefly.

"Come in, Jonathan."

Jonathan Stiles, one of the younger and therefore more enthusiastic elements of his team, entered Joseph's suite, his face betraying no emotion whatsoever. "Sir, forgive me for disturbing you but I felt you should know that Her Majesty just left the castle."

"At this hour?" Joseph quickly glanced at the clock on his bedside table. 4 am.

"Yes. She just went outside and walked into the garden in the direction of the stables."

Joseph coughed, trying to hide his surprise. "I take it the perimeters of the grounds are safe? Nothing has been out of the ordinary tonight? Everything is absolutely secure? No sign of anyone else on the grounds?"

"Yes, sir. Nothing is amiss. Everything is secure," Jonathan replied with confidence.

Joseph scratched his head. Damn the woman for suddenly deciding to wander the grounds in the middle of the night! He sighed deeply, conveying his frustration with the situation. "Well, she's a free woman. Perhaps she needed a little air."

After a moment of silence, the young guard cleared his throat. "Perhaps we should send one of the guards out, too?"

Joseph rubbed his eyes, in an attempt to think more clearly. He answered, with great reluctance. "And why would we do that? She's deserves her privacy."

Jonathan blinked. "To see if she's alright, sir."

"Do you have reasons to assume she's not alright?" Joseph's voice was kind, yet professional and stern enough to allow no debate.

"No."

"Then let's leave her alone, at least for a few more minutes. If she stays out much longer, I'll check on her myself. Let me know immediately if anything changes, of course."

"Yes sir."

When the door closed behind the younger man, Joseph walked over to the window, staring outside into the darkness. She was out there, alone. She shouldn't be, of course. She must know it was a foolish thing to do. But Joseph had the feeling he knew the reason why she had ventured out alone.

He shouldn't have told her everything, he should have known it would only upset her. What was he thinking, putting all this weight on her shoulders? It wasn't her burden to carry, he should have kept it inside. Problem was, he didn't know how to keep it hidden any longer. Every time he saw her, he wanted to say something. Or do something. It wasn't enough to just be around her anymore. He didn't know if she brought that out of him, or if he was just simply losing his mind. And now she was out there, dealing with a problem that he had given her.

Joseph inhaled deeply, letting the air escape through pursed lips. The irony of it all was that usually when Clarisse had a problem, she usually felt comfortable enough to share her burdens with him. She was discreet and never mentioned names, but she often shared enough information to allow him to offer an opinion on a situation, when asked. It had always been enough for him to understand what was bothering her. And now he couldn't help her.

His breath fogged the window and he stared at the slowly disappearing of the cloud. He really couldn't help her, or could he? In one quick motion he returned to his desk and opened his drawer. Perhaps there was a way.

* * *

Clarisse almost jumped when she felt her cell phone buzzing in her pocket and suddenly her heart was working overtime, sending so much adrenalin through her system that she started to tremble.

A new message was waiting for her. By now she wasn't surprised anymore when he contacted her this way. She closed her eyes in despair; she should have realized the guards would be on full alert. She should have known they'd see her slipping out of the palace at this hour. She should have guessed he would know. Joseph always knew. And she should have realized he would somehow check up on her. With a slight tremor in her fingers, she opened the message.

"_Last time I checked, the horses don't give advice."_

She smiled in spite of the nerves that shot through her. He always knew what to say to lighten the mood, or to make her suffering easier. Her thumb moved towards the 'reply' button but then she froze. If she didn't answer,he might assume the worst and come looking for her. If she were to answer right now, would he leave her alone? The question was; did she want to be left alone? Her thoughts shot back to Adrienne, and slowly she started to type her response.

"_I noticed that too." _She had no room left for witty remarks or sharp jokes. Her mind was too occupied.

Within a few seconds, his answer blinked in her screen._ "Are you alright?" _

It took her a full five minutes to make her decision. She was tired of pretending, tired of keeping up appearances. She was tired of her own forced smile. So, with a heart that almost leapt out of her chest, she typed up her answer. _"No."_

And that was it. It would take him not more than a few minutes to reach her, she knew that. But Adrienne had been right, she had to make a decision for both their sakes. And maybe this night was just about as good as any. It was time.

Afterwards, she didn't how she got through the time he needed to get to her. And even though she was expecting him, she was still startled to hear him approach. He was faster than she had anticipated on.

"Clarisse?"

A concerned voice cut the darkness. She turned sharply, finding the cause of her inner turmoil right in front of her. Joseph was standing there as if he'd never been anywhere else. She saw he was panting slightly and the concern in his eyes was evident. Immediately a sting of guilt shot through her; she shouldn't have scared him like this. As on automatic pilot, he first studied her and then glanced around to make sure there was nothing out there that could harm her. He was wearing his usual attire, black pants and shirt, with his always present ear piece that was dangling loose on his shoulder. He saw she glanced at it and gestured with one single movement of his hand that it wasn't connected to the system. He could listen to the whereabouts of his staff but they wouldn't hear him. She was free to talk.

"What's the problem?" he asked quietly, after he was convinced she wasn't in direct danger.

Clarisse swallowed as she gazed at him and in spite of the nerves that shot through her, she felt a sense of excitement too. Her heart called out to him and as much as she tried to resist, the want and need crept into her as remorseful as a predator. She should have known better than to be here, out in the darkness, alone with him. She brought it all on herself. It built and built inside her, every emotion that had been soaring through her body the last couple of weeks suddenly piled up. And then she couldn't hold it in anymore.

"You," she said, her shoulders sagging in defeat . "You are the problem."

The serious, almost sad look on his face made her swallow hard. Torn between the urge to comfort him, and the immediate drive to run away as fast as possible, she chose to do the one thing that seemed the most unwise. She decided to be honest. "It's just…the things you said, Joseph. The way we…I mean, what happened earlier. I don't know what to do about…"

"Me," he finished for her. A small smile curved his lips, softening his words.

"Us," she stated. In frustration, she started to ramble. "For god's sake Joseph, we work together. I'm the Queen. You are my Head of Security. I'm watched 24/7 by your entire staff, on your orders. Can you honestly say that nobody will ever find out about this? This would never work!"

He didn't have to confirm what she had just said because all of it was true. So he stayed silent.

She said nothing as well and for an awful long time, it stayed that way. They just glanced at one another until Clarisse turned away from him and took a few steps in the direction of the stables, shaking her head slightly. She glanced upwards at the dark sky, hoping for some kind of revelation there. It didn't come. "There are countless of reasons why this is a bad idea Joseph," she whispered.

Joseph sucked in a deep breath. "There are a million reasons why this would never work. You're right about that." He took a step closer but was careful not to touch her. But his body yearned for her, his Queen. Somehow she was even more beautiful in her thin blouse and casual slacks, than in any formal dress he'd ever seen her in. "But it seems to me that we need only one reason why it would work."

She swallowed, feeling how her tummy contracted by the meanings of his words. She knew what he meant; that she hadn't been completely honest with him about her feelings towards him. But how could she explain it to him, when she wasn't even sure she could explain it to herself? It was all so new, so exciting, so earth shattering and so overwhelming that she felt as if she had lost a part of herself…the part that usually made the decisions for her. And that scared her beyond anything.

Joseph looked at her, just looked at her. Her short hair moved slightly in the cool wind and she was hugging herself, staring down. Suddenly he felt sorry for her. Here she was, unable to sleep, and struggling deeply with something he had told her. Somehow he had expected this, and yet it hurt him to know he was the cause of her state of mind right now. He felt like apologizing to her, and yet he knew an apology was something she wouldn't want to hear. So he took a deep breath: "Clarisse, you asked me before what I want from you. And I told you what I want. What I don't want, however, is to be a problem for you."

She inhaled shakily but stayed silent, waiting for him to finish.

He smiled at her, a sad, brave smile. "So I suppose I will solve the problem for you."

She saw what he was about to do, she felt he was about to turn away from her and he would leave. A sense of panic filled her stomach and it spread out, climbing up through her spine. Her neck tensed, her hands clenched into fists. In a sudden impulse she shot into motion, turned, and grabbed his arm the moment he started to walk away from her.

"No," she whispered, shaking her head slightly. "Please don't go."

For a moment he was silent and he stared at her hand on his arm. She refused to let him go, and a jolt of frustration mixed with hope soared through his body. Yet he couldn't act without asking…without knowing… He had to know.

"What do you want from me Clarisse?" His tone was different suddenly, as if he was begging her to level with him for once and for all. Tension sparked between them, like the fireworks he had witnessed from his bedroom window earlier that evening.

She held her breath for a second longer, and then, as she felt him turn towards her, she stared right into his eyes. It was the first time in months they were actually face-to-face. They had been avoiding it, both of them, she realized. Because they knew when their eyes finally locked, there would be no key to undo it. She could not withdraw, she physically wasn't able to. Suddenly she couldn't handle it anymore. Clarisse inhaled deeply, her eyes burning into his. "I want this."

In one determined movement she framed his face with both hands and pulled him closer towards her, trapping his lips underneath hers. She was rewarded immediately, she felt his body shifting from shock to surrender within a second. Joseph's lips were soft and warm, but the taste of promise in his kiss was strong and filled her with need. Her stomach tickled and swirled as her hands slid from his cheeks to his chest, then slowly found their way around his neck and the back of his head. A dark erotic tremor emerged in her stomach and spread out through her entire body. She whispered his name, eyes closed, body and soul possessed by him. Thoughts left her mind as she pressed her lips tighter on his, kissing him with a passion she couldn't remember experiencing ever before.

Clarisse was kissing him, she was truly,consciously, kissing him. Joseph felt as if were about to faint, feeling the softness of her lips against his. A deep groan escaped from the back of his throat and he took control over their embrace. His hands found each other on the small of her back and he lifted her just an inch, taking her weight off her feet so she came to lean against him. He kissed her lips gently before he covered them completely.

The kiss was slow. Slow and thorough. He didn't just kiss her; he drank her and everything about her. He kissed her the way he'd wanted to since the day he met her. His mouth opened over hers, inviting her to do the same, and the sensation of her warm tongue meeting his sent a jolt through his body that he almost couldn't handle. He wanted her. He'd wanted women before, but not like this. It had never been like this. Not this immediate, not this overwhelming, not this all-consuming as if there were no other people in the world that mattered. His hands travelled feverishly from her back to her face, then moved down to her back again.

"Clarisse…" he murmured, fighting the urge to draw her hips against his own. "I want you. God I want you."

She hummed in approval, kissing him still, opening her trembling lips to him even wider. He sought entrance, delved his tongue inside her mouth and made her yearn for more. God help her, she felt a jolt of desire shoot through her body like a stampede; a force so strong it was impossible for any human to stop it. He tasted so sweet, his body pressed against her was even better than any fantasy she'd allowed herself to have about it. And oh, did she fantasize about this moment. For hours and hours, alone in her cold secluded bed, she had dreamed of kissing him. And now it was real. It was so very real.

She tore her mouth away. "Oh my god, Joseph…" she panted, her voice high and hoarse at the same time. She rested her forehead against his, shaking her head with a light smile. "What are we doing?"

He could not control his breathing and he grabbed her upper arms, squeezing them softly. He started to walk, forcing her to take a few steps backwards. As they reached the wooden wall of the stables, he eased her against it, and his hands took hold of her burning cheeks. "Do I have to spell it out for you?" he whispered with his mouth close to hers. "Or do you want me to show you?"

"I want you to show me," she breathed_. _

She felt like a schoolgirl again, nervous to the bone about kissing a boy for the very first time. And yet those nerves disappeared when he claimed her lips, more urgent this time around. As she lost herself in the moment, suddenly it seemed like she was watching the scene from a distance. Here she was, in the wee hours of the morning not that far from the castle, kissing her Head of Security as if there was no tomorrow. It was as if they were making up for lost time. Her hands travelled to his back and slid downwards, hastily, hungrily. Everything he gave her made her long for more, an insatiable hunger to everything that was Joseph drove her to a state of mind bordering insanity.

He responded to her need and pressed her tighter against the wall, opening her mouth with his tongue quickly. He knew her contours by heart, he had memorized them over the years he had watched her, but to trace her feminine curves with both hands was so new that he could hardly grasp what was happening. Never had he expected her to be where she was right now. Never had he expected this to happen. Clarisse was in his arms, kissing him with the same sense of hunger and impatience he felt shooting through his own body. And then suddenly he withdrew, listening intently to the sounds that came from the ear piece that was dangling on his shoulder. He swore under his breath.

Clarisse could hardly think with him still pressed up against her, she could only stare at his profile. Her chest, like his, rose and fell quickly, She still tasted him and her lips felt tender, almost swollen. But by the looks on Joseph's face, the end of their rendez-vous was near.

"You have to go," she stated, rather than asking.

"Clarisse they're looking for me. I'm sorry, I…" he moaned. He stared at her and he held still, gazing at her face. A stream of light had caught her and he couldn't keep his eyes away from her. Her hair was slightly ruffled and her face had an uncharacteristic loaded expression; something he had not seen on her before but it took his breath away. He did not see his Queen, in fact he didn't even see the Clarisse he had always known. Instead he was gazing at a woman, all woman, so sexual and so devastatingly beautiful that he could not act the way he should. Eyes slightly dazed, she allowed him to press his lips on her mouth once more. He kissed her so intensely that her hands dropped to the side of her, unable to move, until he released her again.

"Christ I don't want to leave," he said in a desperate tone, kissing the tip of her nose. "I really don't want to leave but I have to." He gestured at his ear piece. "They are concerned about you and now they are wondering where I am. If they start looking…"

Clarisse shook her head, trying to get a grip on the situation at hand. In a way it was a relief that he had to leave now; she could use some time alone to gather her thoughts.

"You have to go," she repeated in affirmation, nodding quietly. The passionate feelings that had shot through her were still present, but calmer, to which she was grateful. She could form sentences now, which had been impossible earlier.

Whatever composure she had retrieved, he stole it away by kissing her one last time. "We have to finish this some other time," he whispered against her lips. "Can we?"

To that she simply did not know how to respond. She was so absorbed by this moment that she had no room for thinking of a continuance in whatever shape or form. And thinking of consequences was something she'd rather not do. At least not now, not this minute.

"Go," she urged once more. "Before they suspect something."

He kissed her lightly once more before he released her completely, putting the ear piece back in his ear. She saw the Head of Security returning and she sighed deeply when, after one last glance into her eyes, he walked away from her.

She touched her lips and groaned inwardly. It was official. She was in trouble.

* * *

_TBC... I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Love, Janet. _


	6. And so it starts

_Hiiii! So I'm back from vacation, back from celebrating Julie's birthday, back from celebrating my own birthday...and in the meantime I've done a bit of writing. The last scene I wrote was about Joseph and Clarisse and a passionate randez-vous near the stables. They kissed, but were interrupted by Joseph's team who knew they were out there in the middle of the night. They parted there._

I need to thank a whole bunch of people for giving me wings when I need it. You readers, for always sticking by me, no matter how long it takes me until I come with an update. Thank you SO much for your reviews, you honestly don't know how much your comments mean to me. And also thanks to my loyal friends who always support me and give me ideas when I need my 'fix'. Without you, there wouldn't even be a story to begin with. But enough with the chit chat - let's get to it shall we?

* * *

Beautiful. The pattern of the twinkling stars in the black sky above her made her think of diamonds. She loved diamonds. She loved how they sparkled. And she loved starry nights. She blinked. Where was she?

Slowly she became aware of the unpleasant sensation of a car handle poking her back and for a moment she worried about the sheer fabric of her dress. It wasn't made to wear outside, the cold wind seemed to blow straight through it. The frozen steel of the car didn't make matters better and for a second she feared that she would freeze against it. But then she leaned back further, her head lulled backwards, and soon the cold wasn't a factor anymore.

First there was his tongue that made her forget everything around them. His tongue, his lips, then his hands. Stars were no longer above them, they were sucked into her subconscious, their presence forgotten. The black limousine seemed to be absorbed in a pale blue mist, yet she was still pressed against something solid. Hot lips touched her, kissed her, claimed her, and made her eyes fall shut. She could not see his eyes or his mouth, she could not even speak to him, but he made her hot, full of desire and longing. Every ounce of self esteem was stolen from her and all that was there was left was a raw, pure, animal instinct.

"God…oh God…" she murmured as she felt her entire body flex and spasm. A tickling swirl deep in her tummy shot lower, and she knew that if this went on, she would lose all self control.

"I want you. I want you so badly," she heard him groan as he let his hands travel all over her body. "You know that, don't you?"

Not having the time to smile or respond, she simply closed her eyes when he assaulted her lips again. He fulfilled her every need, he was rough and manly and as he touched every inch of her body, her tummy tightened even more. His hands travelled further down, pressing, touching, groping, stimulating, and just as she gasped for air…

"Your Majesty?"

She turned automatically, gazing in the distance. The car was suddenly gone, Joseph was gone. Where on earth was he? Where on earth was she? The young woman's voice seemed to come from miles away.

"Your Majesty, you requested to be awakened at seven. Good morning."

Softness surrounded her and behind her closed eyes came a soft sheer light. Immediately she realized that it had been a dream, and blood rushed to her cheeks. Her heart was slowing down in rate but the intensity of her physical reaction to the dream was still very much present. Somehow she did not want to open her eyes, knowing that when she did so, the warm, tingling, passionate feelings would disappear immediately. "Oh my…" she couldn't help whispering.

"Your Majesty, your morning coffee is on the table. Is there anything else I can do for you at the moment?"

"No, I'm alright. Thank you Olivia," she said dismissively, and with result, because with a sigh of relief she heard the door of her suite falling shut.

Her hands touched her glowing cheeks, then one hand slid to her chest where she felt her heartbeat returning to normal. Goodness gracious, it was a dream. Only a dream. But what a dream. It had been years since she had dreamed something so erotic. The feelings she thought she had buried were suddenly very much alive and present. A startling realization, but nonetheless, she couldn't help but enjoy it secretly.

A smile fought to break across her face as she turned her head slightly on her pillow. Joseph. This night, her subconscious had forced some images on her that were hard to erase; and even more so - she did not _want_ to erase them just yet. For just a few minutes longer she wanted to relish in the sensation of feeling pure desire, the feeling of being desired; pure, raw and primitive.

And to feel his lips on hers.

His lips. On hers.

She gasped.

Suddenly her eyes snapped open and she sat up straight within a second. "Oh God…" she breathed in the silence of her bedroom. "Oh my God…" The memories of what it felt like to kiss Joseph were too vivid, too real. She slipped out from under the covers and covered her burning cheeks with both hands. The realization shot through her in cold, nauseating waves. She started to pace from left to right, back and forth, rubbing her temples. She was acting like a trapped animal and she certainly felt like one; trapped by her own memories, trapped in the realization that she…that she…. Even thinking about it made her feel faint. She stopped and breathed out slowly through her mouth, her hands covering her lips. "Dear Lord...what have I done?" The answer forced itself on her as she closed her eyes in despair. She had kissed Joseph last night.

Sweet heavens, she had kissed him. She had initiated it. She had been the one who broke the wall between them. She had been the one to leave nothing to his imagination when it came to her intentions. She had been the one to make the horrid decision to do all of this outside, and taking the risk of people seeing them. It had all been her.

Panic soared through her body, sending a cold chill through her spine and her stomach was in a state beyond nausea. For everything she had felt before last night, there wasn't a single emotion more present now than fear. And yet fear wasn't even the right word for her state of mind. Because before last night, she had been afraid, yes. But now, she was terrified. Terrified... and utterly mortified.

"Calm down Clarisse…" she whispered to herself, breathing in deeply through her nose. Intently, she breathed out through her mouth, hoping for her heart rate to slow down.

In the light of day it was unbelievably embarrassing to think back to what happened a few hours earlier, especially considering how hard she had tried to keep her feelings concerning Joseph under wraps these many years. But as she closed her eyes and allowed herself to relive the moment, she, more than anything, remembered what it had felt like being with him.

The slight lightheadedness from being up all night long. The thrill of gazing into his eyes, knowing that his eyes were as transfixed on her as hers were on him. The guilty surge of power at the realization that he desired her and for just that small moment, removed from the rest of the world, she had allowed herself to revel in it.

It was a compelling image, one that made her cheeks burn and her heart beat faster. She was instantly reminded of her dream earlier that morning. No wonder her unconscious mind had wandered. She should feel ashamed of herself for acting in such a way…and yet the most overpowering feeling wasn't shame or regret, but fascination. Fascination blended with sheer terror.

The realization of how easy it had been to give in scared her, threatened all the defenses she had so carefully built up over the years. One crack in the façade like this, and it could all come tumbling down. And where would that leave her? Dear God, had she really been so foolish?

It didn't matter how good it had felt to let her guard down for once. His soft lips moving on hers, his tongue seeking access, his scent, the warmth of his eyes upon her, his strong hands around her waist steadying her…

Startled, Clarisse's eyes flew open. She couldn't do this. She didn't have time to face this now. She had a Parliament session to attend this morning. Duty. Obligations. But right now, perhaps a needed form of escape from her state of shock and confusion? She had a lot of fixing up to do first. She had only, what, two hours of sleep? She must look dreadful.

A refreshing shower, two cups of coffee and two aspirins later, she stood in front of her mirror, slightly wobbly on her legs but it was…doable. It wasn't the most perfect appearance she had ever made but still, it was doable. The image in the mirror thankfully showed no sign of her inner turmoil. The tiredness around her eyes was well masked, and when she straightened her back and squared her shoulders, fixing her own image in the mirror with an utmost regal stare, the illusion was complete. With a brave smile, she opened the door of her suite. The Queen was ready.

* * *

An hour and a half later Clarisse couldn't help but wish that the Gods who had blessed her with something as juvenile as worrying about a passionate rendezvous, also could have taken pity on her and just made her sleep through this entire meeting.

The year's last budget revision and closing of accounts were under the best of circumstances a numbingly boring display of bureaucratic inefficiency. Today it seemed more like a very refined version of medieval torture, designed to slowly but steadily rob her of her sanity.

The large heap of leather bound books before her, complete with color coded labels according to account, silently taunted her. They assured her that she would be here for a good while longer. Sighing inwardly Clarisse shifted uncomfortably in her seat, smothering down her deep green pencil skirt in a futile attempt to hide her discomfort.

Wouldn't the man ever stop talking?

It was the eighth time she had twisted around in her chair in the last ten minutes and Clarisse knew she was beginning to attract attention from the delegates closest to her. She smiled apologetically. Thankfully Sir Bradley Scott, her lord Treasurer, hadn't noticed her fidgeting and went on with his address, explaining the economic advantages of their new filing system without even a glance in her direction.

The Lord Treasurer was a gray haired man in his early sixties and he had been a part of the administration for as long as she could remember. He was a man wholeheartedly dedicated to his job. Hard working, a genius with numbers, thorough and steady as a rock. Unfortunately he was also about as much fun as day old oatmeal.

Or 'dull as dishwater' as Joseph had once called him. It was a true, however unflattering observation. Clarisse studied the man, doing her best to focus on his words and not the way he kept gesturing with his hand in a hypnotizing up and downwards motion.

Dull as dishwater indeed.

As she absentmindedly studied the Lord Treasurer for any sign that his long speech might eventually lead to some sort of conclusion, Joseph's voice kept echoing in her mind.

"_What do you want from me?" _She had made it quite clear what it was she wanted a few hours earlier. And at that time, it was all she wanted, all she could think of. And she had been rewarded with the most dazzling kiss she had ever received. But now, she did not know what it was she wanted. Better said, she did not know what her head wanted. Because she knew exactly what her body wanted, it seemed to live a life of its own today. The mere thought of Joseph made her legs weak, her stomach surge and her heart beat faster. Her lips still tingled, as if his lips had touched hers only a second before. Her body was yearning to be with him once more. Heaven help her.

"Thank you, Lord Treasurer. That was most enlightening."

Next to her Lord Palimore clapped his hands appreciably, rudely plunging her back into the present and Clarisse quickly stood, the color rising on her cheeks as she realized the entire room was waiting for her cue.

"Yes indeed… most enlightening," Clarisse clapped her hands, doing her best to hide her embarrassment as the room filled with applause. "Now I think we all could use something to eat and drink. A wonderful lunch awaits you all in the Green Room. Gentlemen, have a nice day." Clarisse nodded in turn to her left and to her right and turned on her heels, rushing out of the room before anyone had a chance to ask for an audience.

Her high heels clicked against the marble floor as she made a bee line towards her office, closing the door behind her with a deep sigh. Suddenly she recalled strolling through the palace halls last night, after her meeting with Joseph at the stables. Her head held high, her pace steady and secure – not willing to reveal any sign of distress. The moment the door of her suite had fallen into its lock, she had undressed as quickly as she could and she had tumbled into bed, not willing to think. She only wanted to dream. Dream of him. Dream of them in the garden, dream of his lips moving on hers…

She moved her head against the heavy wood of her office door in little movements. "For God's sake Clarisse…" she whispered in despair. She shook her head, pushed herself away from the door and walked over to her desk. There she sat down, covering her eyes with both hands. Was she even able to think of anything else?

"Your Majesty?"

Charlotte's voice behind the closed door startled her and Clarisse removed her hands from her eyes. It wasn't like sitting behind her desk for half an hour would turn back time, but the need to hide was so strong that she hadn't been able to move.

"Yes Charlotte, come in," she said automatically, but regretted it the moment her assistant entered her office, accompanied by Eric; a new member of the kitchen staff. He carried a tray with tea and a plate of biscuits Clarisse already knew she wasn't going to touch. The look on Charlotte's face betrayed concern and for a split second, Clarisse was convinced that Charlotte knew what had happened between her and Joseph. Charlotte was very good at her job. She was loyal, efficient, and, usually, too close to the fire to not know what was bothering the Queen. More often than not, it was comforting for Clarisse to have Charlotte looking after her. Now, however, Clarisse wasn't so sure she wanted her assistant to be as close to her as she was. Good heavens, she wouldn't _know_, would she?

"Your Majesty, are you sure you want to have your tea in here? Surely something more substantial for lunch would be better?" Charlotte asked, her brows furrowed in confusion.

"Thank you, Charlotte, I'm fine. And thank you, Eric, you are a life saver." Clarisse smiled politely while Eric set up her tea on the conference table. Having her self-declared sacred cup of tea here in her office wasn't something she did very often, but right now she wished to run into as few people as possible. "I have to check a few documents before we leave this afternoon anyway."

"As you wish ma'am," Charlotte said. She was quiet for a few seconds, but inhaled deeply when Eric had left the office. "Forgive me for saying this ma'am, but you look a bit pale this afternoon. Are you feeling alright?"

Clarisse swallowed, forcing a reassuring smile on her face. She got up from her chair and moved towards the conference table. "I'm fine Charlotte. I'm just a little tired, I couldn't sleep last night."

She looked away and focused on pouring her tea. For heaven's sake, even something simple like the words 'last night' made her tummy tighten and her cheeks redden.

"Do you need me to cancel your appointments for the rest of the day so you can get some rest?"

Thinking how relieved she would be to accept, Clarisse regretfully declined the offer. Silently, she begged Charlotte to excuse herself and leave. Unfortunately, Charlotte wasn't done with her chores just yet.

"Your Majesty, as you know, in two hours you will be opening the Grand Majestic Museum in Pyrus. I'll let you know when the Mercedes is ready, Sam will be your driver today. There are a few things you should be aware of concerning the museum. One, the curator of the museum insists that…"

Clarisse nodded as Charlotte informed her of the afternoon's events, trying desperately to focus, but then a short knock on the door distracted her once again. With a questioning look, she looked up at her assistant.

"Oh, that must be Joseph. He's early," Charlotte frowned, glancing at her watch. "Apparently the museum's security team made some changes in the protocol and he wanted to discuss the changes with you. Do you wish to do this now?"

Fireworks exploded in her tummy and for some strange reason, her neck and forehead became moist. Joseph here? _Now?_ She realized she could not avoid the inevitable - there really was no choice. To hide her red cheeks and discomfort, Clarisse sipped from her tea and waved her slightly trembling hand at Charlotte, beckoning her to open the door. Her tummy turned even more inside her when she heard a familiar hoarse voice and she scolded herself for reacting in such an immature manner.

"Hello Joseph," she said, unwilling to lower her steaming cup.

"Good afternoon, Your Majesty. My apologies for interrupting your lunch."

For one explosive moment, Joseph looked straight into her eyes and Clarisse held her breath, staring back at him. In that one moment when they met each other's gaze, they sealed their secret. The look in his dark eyes was reassuring and comforting and she knew what he was telling her, she could read him as clearly as ever. He was asking her to calm down, not to panic. But in fact, she felt more panic now than ever before.

Forcing herself to breath deep into her stomach, she spoke slowly, yet casually as she returned to her desk. "We need just a moment longer to wrap this up Joseph. Please continue Charlotte."

Joseph could not help but glance at Clarisse, while Charlotte informed her about the opening of the museum that afternoon. He had been yearning to see her ever since he had been forced to walk away from her last night. It had felt so very wrong to leave her alone after their passionate moment. He hadn't even slept afterwards, he could hardly believe it had happened, he still couldn't trust his own memory. There was a tremble inside him that just wouldn't settle, a tremble that made his limbs weaker than usual, his head less sharp than it should be. By kissing him, she had consumed him completely and now he felt as if his body was no longer connected to his mind. And yet he realized that no matter how upside down his own world was, it was nothing compared to the consequences this all would bring to her. And for all the mixed emotions he was feeling at that moment, most of all he wanted to reassure her, to let her know he would protect her at all cost. Forever more, she would be safe with him.

Blinking, he realized that Charlotte had ended her monologue and was getting ready to leave the office. He smiled at her in his usual friendly manner. But the second the door closed behind his colleague, he moved his gaze back to the woman who occupied his heart and soul. Clarisse was still sitting down behind her desk, but finally she looked up. Her jaw was tensed, her lips trembled slightly, but her blue sparkling eyes betrayed her excitement to see him.

"Hello."

"Hi."

Two short words, yet there was a complex world hidden behind the simplicity of their conversation.

He coughed. "I didn't know what else to do so I had to fake a change in the protocol."

"Well it seemed to work."

"How are you feeling?"

It was an easy question, yet impossible to answer. "Tired," she smiled after slight hesitation.

"I can imagine," he smiled back.

"What about you?"

"Fine."

For a moment it was silent. Joseph knew he would have to be the one to break the silence between them, she would never bring it up on her own. Finally he inhaled deeply, scratching his head to hide his nerves. "Clarisse, last night was…"

She shook her head, avoiding his gaze. "Silly."

He smiled softly at her response, slowly approaching her. He noticed that with every step he took, she became more restless in her movements. Her trembling fingers fiddled with her tea spoon.

"I had a slightly different word in mind," he said.

She looked away, feeling the urge to kick herself for not being able to speak her mind.

He spoke softly. "Do you regret what happened?"

She shrugged, noting he was still walking towards her in his familiar slow paces. However, the second he stepped behind her desk and into her personal space, she got up from her chair and walked away from him. She could not handle his proximity. "Regret is a useless emotion."

He smiled. "That's not an answer."

"Joseph, I wasn't thinking straight. We took a huge risk last night. To think anyone could have walked in on us…it's just…silly." She shook her head and turned, away from his questioning stare.

"Silly," he repeated.

"Yes. Silly."

Silence fell and Joseph watched her as she poured herself another cup of tea. He wasn't sure what he was waiting for.

Finally, she shifted her focus from the pot of tea to him. "Just so you know, I didn't plan for this to happen."

He smiled. "I'm glad to hear that."

She looked up in wonder.

He shrugged. "Some things you can't plan ahead, Clarisse. Especially at our age, it should be more clear than ever that you can't really plan past tomorrow. You can try, but life throws you a curve ball and you deal with it. There are millions of ways that lead to Rome and the directions change every day."

She stirred her tea in a nervous manner. "Well last night, we started out in Rome and we can't exactly retrace our steps."

He almost chuckled at her analogy but stopped when she started to speak.

"What would you do next, if this were a normal situation?" Her question, as her facial expression, was sincere and open. "How would you handle a situation like this, normally?"

He smiled. "Normally, I would ask the woman to go out with me."

"Out," she repeated. "Out, how?"

"Yes, out. Dinner, perhaps a film, have a few drinks…get to know each other on a more personal level."

She sighed. "Well there you have problem number one. We can't go 'out.'"

"Yes we can. We'd have to be more inventive, but we can."

She frowned in frustration. "How on earth do you see this happening, Joseph? Don't you see that this is exactly why it wouldn't work between us? It's too complicated already."

She turned sharply and faced the mirror, staring at her own blushing reflection. Quickly she pulled her hand through her hair, combing it behind her ears just so she had something to do. Then his soft, questioning voice made her freeze in her movements.

"What's so complicated about how we feel?"

She almost turned but decided against it. He just didn't understand, or perhaps he simply refused to understand. "Joseph…it's not that simple. It's never that simple."

In a few strides he had reached her and suddenly she felt his presence behind her. Clarisse inhaled sharply, feeling his warmth once again envelope her. His familiar masculine scent that reached her nose was more than she could handle. His face was mere inches away from hers, his cheek almost touching hers, meeting her eyes in the mirror. "What's so complicated about this?"

She stared at their reflections. Her cheeks had turned deep red now and his dark, loving eyes blazed into hers. What she saw wasn't a Queen with her Head of Security, or the ocean of differences between them. She did not even see two friends who were comfortable around each other. What she saw, or rather what she felt, was the electricity that sparked between them. She tried to speak but her mouth was too dry. She was half expecting her mind to tell her she was making a huge mistake by letting him so close to her again, she was waiting for a little voice to urge her to stop this insanity, but it stayed silent.

A dangerous sparkle appeared in his eyes and then he moved his gaze to her back, to her tensed shoulders.

"Oh God…" she breathed, unable to take her eyes from the sight of him in the mirror. And then she felt his hands on her. He slid his fingers from her wrists to her shoulders. He was careful, tender, but his touch sent a tremble through her entire body.

He slid his hands up to her shoulders, smiling at her. "Do you know what I think? I think you want to know just as much as I do, what it would be like to…" He brought his mouth even closer to her ear, "…finally give in."

Her eyes followed his every move in the mirror and she breathed in sharply through her teeth as he teasingly drew the collar of her blouse a little wider; exposing her bare skin and her neckline.

She wanted to protest, wanted to push him away, but all she could do was look at him. Look at them, playing this dangerous, deeply erotic game. They were treading dark waters, but neither could find the strength or perseverance to go back to safe grounds.

He could feel her tremble, it matched the tremor he felt shooting through his own body. "So many times I wondered what it would be like to do this…"

The second his lips touched her neck Clarisse felt her last crumble of resistance melting away. His mouth was warm and soft, kissing her skin so intensely that her legs gave beneath her and she felt herself lean back against him. Like she knew he would, immediately he circled her waist with both arms to steady her. Her eyes fell shut, and she surrendered to the maddening sensations his warm, skilful mouth was sending through her body.

And then suddenly, he turned her around and pushed her up against the mirror, catching her gasp by closing his lips on hers. It was powerful, passionate, and incredibly arousing. And Clarisse knew she wanted more. So much more.

He moved closer towards her when he noticed her response, grabbing her face in both hands and kissing her hard and long. He captured her tongue and drew it into his own mouth, catching her appreciative moan. Her mouth was hot and moist and had a faint taste of tea, and he brought her even closer by taking yet another small step forward.

Her arms moved as if they had a will of their own and traveled feverishly over his back. Her lips parted even wider, responding to his need. Behind her was the solid mass of her mirror and her head and back bumped against it, yet she did not feel it. An insatiable hunger shot through her, rendering her helpless, and it left her shivering with need. Joseph was causing a response in her that was new and overwhelming; yet she felt a sense of recognition at the same time. Or perhaps it was more than recognition, perhaps it was a connection she felt; a connection between her and Joseph that was impossible to ignore.

His hands slid hastily from side to side along her back and then he found his way downwards. This time he could not control his instinct, he drew her hips close against his. It was hard to believe that she managed to get him in this state in practically no time; and yet he was powerless in her arms. His heart was pounding so fiercely in his chest that he thought it was going to explode. She gasped at his boldness, but feeling his arousal did not scare her away; in fact every response she gave him was unforced and genuine.

She wanted him so badly, but she knew if she didn't stop now, she would not be able to. She tore her mouth away from him, yet it only encouraged him to aim at her neck again. He kissed her, tasted her skin, and she placed her hands against his chest in a last desperate attempt to awaken her common sense.

"Stop, we have to stop…" she moaned. "Joseph…not here. We can't do this here."

It was like someone pulled the sheets away from him while he was still lost in a deep sleep. He stared at her for a moment, noting her fast breathing, her flushed cheeks, and then he did the only logical thing to do. He pulled her into his arms, shaking his head in disbelief. Joseph held her for several minutes waiting for his body to calm. He had lost control, the control he took such pride in having.

"Forgive me…" he finally whispered. He withdrew from her and framed her glowing cheeks with both hands. "I shouldn't have done this here. I shouldn't have put you in this position. I'm sorry."

She shook her head, still out of breath. "Stop. Don't apologize." She stared at him in bewilderment. "Oh, Joseph...I'm so confused..."

He smiled but a second later his face turned serious again. "I need to see you tonight. In private."

Her heart rate just started to slow down again, but hearing his suggestion sent her body right back in first gear. "Tonight?"

"Can you meet me in the screening room tonight?"

She tried to speak but it didn't came out the way she intended it to. Her voice, along with her ability to think, seemed to have left her. "The screening room? Why, for goodness sakes?"

"Clarisse, I'm asking you out." His boyish grin warmed her heart. "We may have started in Rome but it will be fun to find our way back."

* * *

_TBC..._

_Please leave me a note if you have any comments for me. I don't know what people like (or don't like) unless they tell me! _

_Until next time!_

_Love, Janet_


	7. Showtime

_Hey everybody, here I am! Time for an update! I'm so sorry it took me such a long time but for some reason it gets harder and harder with each chapter that I write. Odd, but true. I'd also like to take this moment to thank you all for reading and reviewing. You have no idea what a review does for a reader, it gives wings I tell you! Thank you so much!_

_Now who is waiting in the screening room, let's see... ahh quite a few people have gathered here I see. Haha imagine us really sitting there, wouldn't that be a hoot? Aaaaaaanyway...enough with the small talk. Joseph asked Clarisse 'out' and this is what happened late at night at the Palace:_

_**Showtime**_

Trembling fingers flicked open the heavy silver lighter and illuminated the room with soft, flaming light. Joseph paused before lighting another candle and smiled as he thought of the person he was doing this for. Today had been one of the most difficult and yet most wonderful days of his entire life. God have mercy, he was in love with her. Undeniably, passionately, head over heels in love with Clarisse. It was a place he'd never thought he'd be. To focus his thoughts around her, to see only her, to feel the need to do anything, to be anything, just for her. He had been in love with her for as long as he could remember, but finally knowing for certain that she felt the same way about him had turned everything upside down.

It had been sweet torture to be with her in public this afternoon. They had managed to be discreet, years of training coming to their rescue, but it was hard. At the sight of Clarisse's beautiful face, while smiling one of her million smiles, Joseph's whole being was yearning for her. She was all elegance, all beauty, all kindness and poise…and yet all of that served like a thin layer to hide her burning passion beneath. The same kind passion shot through him every time he looked at her. Waiting to be released. A kiss from her had yanked away all the years of covering up and hiding his true feelings, and he had been powerless. A frightening, maddening, yet wonderful sensation.

Joseph sat down on one of the soft chairs in the screening room, covering his mouth with both hands. In all his fantasies and imaginations, he'd never truly considered the possibility she'd actually want him back. He was no fool, he knew the repercussions this all could bring. He knew they were taking a huge risk for exposure, and he also knew this was not going to be easy.

And yet he wouldn't want it any other way.

He glanced on the display of his cell phone to check the time. Midnight. It was getting late. After returning from the museum earlier this evening, he'd overheard Clarisse telling Charlotte that she was going to lie down for a while. A sharp sting of guilt had shot through his stomach, knowing he was the cause of her being sleep deprived. And he had been selfish enough to set her up for another late evening – why didn't he think of her needs more? She needed her rest. And yet he wanted to see her so badly that he never tried to cancel their plans for tonight. More than anything, he hoped she would still show up. He glanced at his cell phone again and got up, fingers stretched out.

Fifteen minutes later, he was slowly pacing through the screening room, studying the paintings on the wall. Portraits of all the people who once lived here in the palace were gathered in this very room. All the royals who had dedicated their lives to serving Genovia. An unimaginable responsibility weighed on their shoulders each single day. He smiled softly. Somehow Clarisse made it seem like it was…easy. As she made everything seem easy. Or perhaps he wanted it to be easy because he couldn't bear the thought of her struggling her way through life.

Suddenly he stopped, rubbing his temple. Perhaps he should consider the option that all of this…the idea of them…would be too much for her. He had been so sure before, that he could make her see what life could be like…and yet, was there even a way? Was he actually so arrogant that he thought he was able to make her forget her massive responsibilities and obligations for even a second? Did he actually expect her to take the huge risk of meeting him here? He must be out of his mind.

Slowly, he walked to the burning candles in the center of the room. One by one, he reluctantly blew them out, until the room was basked in darkness. He sighed, and then his head shot upwards. The door had quietly opened.

"I always like the smell of candles, it reminds me of Christmas."

Joseph turned sharply at the sound of her voice, and stared at the familiar dark profile in the doorway, his heart pounding wildly in his chest. "You came."

"You sound surprised," Clarisse said softly.

He cleared his throat, realizing he hadn't answered her. "Perhaps because I wasn't sure you'd be here."

He heard her swallow. "I wasn't sure myself."

For a moment they stared at one another, until Clarisse broke the silence. "I don't think I've ever been in this room at this time of night."

"Oh." Finally he shot into motion and quickly he lit the candles again. When the room was light enough he made his way over to the beautiful woman waiting in the doorway. His legs felt as if they could fall away under him any time.

Clarisse was dressed in a shade of light blue, her skirt accented with a rich cream-colored pattern and silver thread. The ensemble complimented her smooth, creamy skin and short honey blonde hair; she looked so lovely that he couldn't help but stare at her in wonder. Was she really here?

"Hello," he finally whispered.

"Hi." They both smiled shyly, remembering the way they greeted each other that same afternoon.

"Aren't you tired?" he asked, studying her face.

She smiled again. "Are you always asking your dates if they're tired when they arrive? It doesn't exactly sound like a compliment."

A small gasp escaped him. "Oh no, I don't mean that! I'm sorry, I meant it's late and I know you didn't get much sleep last night, so I thought that maybe…"

"I'm fine, Joseph. Really."

He scratched his head. "I'm not making a good first impression, am I?"

To that she laughed softly and she let him guide her to the center of the room where multiple comfortable chairs were set up to face the big movie screen at the wall. Like she had experienced so many times before, his hand was placed on the small of her back. Now, however, she felt his warmth spreading through her entire body.

"I took the liberty to bring a bottle of wine," Joseph said, gesturing at the bottle on the side table. "That is, of course, if you want it."

She confirmed his question with a small nod and then she looked around, studying her surroundings. "You seem to have gone through a lot of trouble to arrange all this."

"It wasn't that much trouble. Just a matter of re-arranging the camera system and a change in the patrol of the security staff. And picking out wine and lighting a few candles isn't too much of a strain."

"I see."

Her guarded posture and expression alarmed him. "What's wrong Clarisse?"

Her tongue darted out to wet her dry lips. Somehow she couldn't find the right words to explain the constant war between her thoughts and emotions. It had cost her hours of worry and anxiety today to finally come to the conclusion that this meeting this evening was madness. How could something like this ever work? How could she possibly allow him to toy with his own security system, for God's sake? How could she expect him to go to such lengths, just for her? Didn't he deserve a partner in his life who made life easier for him, rather than complicating each step, including his career? Shouldn't she be focusing on her job, rather than a possible affair that would complicate everything? And yet…here she was. Just when she had made up her mind that she couldn't go through with this rendezvous this evening, she had glanced in her mirror…and remembered the sight and the feel of him kissing her earlier that day. It was exactly that jolt of desire, that sting of longing to be with him once more that had brought her here. But standing here in the dark and vacated screening room reminded her of her reservations earlier. "It just feels strange to be here. Wrong somehow…"

He swallowed. He knew her statement held so many emotions, so many layers. "Do you want to be somewhere else?"

"No."

"Clarisse…if you're having doubts…"

She smiled briefly, avoiding his intense stare. "Is that Italian wine?"

"Yes." Quickly, Joseph poured two glasses of red wine and handed her one. He smiled in a nervous manner. "Perhaps we should skip the toast for now."

She nodded gratefully. "Perhaps we should."

Their glasses touched each other and silence fell when both took a sip. The wine was sweet and spicy and tingled on her tongue. Clarisse hummed in approval. "Good choice." After slight hesitation, she decided to sit down on one of the chairs. Deep down she was grateful they had separate seats, it calmed her down to have just a little space between them.

Joseph sat down on the other chair. He wasn't quite facing her, yet not completely out of sight either; he had been moving the chairs around endlessly until he had found the perfect angle. Still he couldn't believe they were here, alone. Finally, alone. And yet he felt as if thousands of people were looking at him, waiting for him to finally act.

She shifted uncomfortably in her seat under his pensive stare. "Can I ask you to do something for me, Joseph?"

"Anything."

She inhaled deeply. "Please do what you normally do on a date?"

"Come again?" He almost laughed but held it in when he saw the serious look on her face.

She inhaled shakily, placing her wine glass on the table. "I mean…I know this isn't a normal situation. Far from it, actually."

"That's…true," he smiled.

Her fingers toyed with each other. "Today I suddenly realized I've never even really 'dated.' Can you imagine? I've literally never been on a date like this."

He looked around. "Frankly, neither have I."

She shook her head and for a second her lips curled. "Joseph…you know what I mean."

"I do know what you mean." He cleared his throat, trying to find the right words. "But honestly, there is no such thing as a 'normal' date. Every date is different. Each person is different. I can't possibly treat this as a normal date, even if I knew how. You are not 'normal' Clarisse, you can't even be normal if you tried."

"But…"

He placed a warm hand on her knee, leaning forward. "Hear me out. I don't say this because you are my Queen. It's not because you outrank me. Not because I work for you. And even not because all of this has to stay in the shadows. But it's because it's_ you_. You are special."

She sighed deeply. "But that's just it – I don't want to be considered special. Or…" she gestured in a frustrated manner,…_perfect_. Not anymore…not when I'm with you. I've been treated like Royalty for my entire life and frankly, it gets on my nerves. Joseph, you are the only person who makes me feel normal. Please don't change that now. I hate feeling this…insecure."

He stared at her in utter bewilderment; she had just given him one of the biggest compliments she could ever give him. Yet he couldn't thank her, knowing it would make her feel even more uncomfortable. "Clarisse, what makes you so sure I'm as confident as can be?"

"You appear that way."

"Appearances can be deceiving, Clarisse."

"I know. Believe me, I know."

"Would you believe me if I told you I was close to cancelling our date about five times today?"

"Really?" she asked. Shifting the attention to him eased her down a bit.

"Really," he said. "Because deep down I know that this meeting is a bad idea. Of course it's a bad idea! Someone could walk in on us in a few minutes, in spite of all the precautions I took. Someone could realize you're not in your suite right now and call security. Someone could overhear our conversation in a few days from now. To name just a few scenario's."

A worried smile tugged on the corners of her mouth. "I sure hope you have a point with this."

"I know…you'd think I would," he said with half a smile. "But seriously Clarisse - who knows what tomorrow brings? What's the point in thinking of worst case scenario's?"

"It prevents you from making mistakes," she said softly. "Both professionally and personally."

"When is something a mistake?"

She thought for a second. "When the decision ends up hurting you or those around you."

Again that small smile. "And yet the end result of a decision you never really know."

"Can you honestly tell me you can live your life this way?"

"Yes," he said. "Why else do you think I took a job like this in the first place?"

She grew silent. He was right. Every day of his life, Joseph took a certain risk by protecting the crown, protecting her. It was not the first time she realized he lived his life on the edge, yet the consequences never truly dawned on her before now.

"Clarisse," he said. "Let's not waste our time being afraid what might happen tomorrow, and focus on what is happening right now? Which is a nice glass of wine and pleasant company. I don't expect more or less. Let's live now. Not tomorrow. Not next week. Now."

"I can try to drink to that," she smiled carefully, picking up her glass. "To now."

"To now."

In the silence that fell, they glanced at one another. His hand was still placed on her knee and the comforting warmth was now spreading through her entire body. Deep down Clarisse's tummy, that familiar nervous tingle started to emerge. It was strangely relaxing and exciting at the same time.

To break the growing tension, she inhaled deeply and leaned back in her chair. "So have you done this before? Taken a woman to a private screening of…what are we watching? _Psycho_?"

He smirked and sat back too, releasing her knee. "We're not watching that one tonight. As much as I admire that film, I don't think it's 'first date' material."

She crossed her legs, too late realizing it drew his eyes towards her silk stockings. "You have to enlighten me - what is first date material?"

"Something simple, that doesn't require too much thinking. One has to be able to have an, although quiet, conversation during the movie."

"And _Psycho_ needs one's complete attention, of course."

"Of course, especially the shower scene."

She cringed. "I _hate_ that scene."

"You do? Why?"

"I just don't see the point of watching someone being slaughtered in the shower."

He chuckled. "It's the best part of the film! Many movies today are based on that scene alone. Perhaps it's a bit overrated now, but back then it was a huge hit. It was terrifying! Hitchcock is truly the master of suspense."

She narrowed her eyes as she looked at him. "Are you quoting the movie poster now?"

He laughed softly. "No. I'm just saying that the shower scene is essential to the story."

"Blood dripping from the walls is essential?"

"It's not just that…"

Her voice dripped from sarcasm. "Really."

His grin grew wider. "No, it drips from the shower curtain too."

"Tasteful."

He laughed out loud now. "I tell you what, soon we will watch a movie that's more your taste. Do you have a favourite?"

Already inhaling to answer him, she stopped herself and seemed to reconsider. She shook her head. "I can't really say. I have many favourites, I like all kinds of movies for different reasons."

Joseph looked at her from the side. Somehow she seemed to be lost in thoughts and for a second he saw a flash of embarrassment in her face. His curiosity grew, he could not help it. "Come on Clarisse - what is your favourite film?"

She rolled her eyes. "All right. _Terms of Endearment _is my favourite movie of all time."

He frowned and then he studied her expression. She wasn't blinking but stared at the dark screen without giving him any attention. It was enough for him to confront her. "Liar."

She smiled, knowing he saw right through her. "All right it's not my favourite. But it's a close second."

"Fair enough."

A twinkle had formed in her eyes. "So, we were talking about you. I'm trying to paint the picture here. You invite a woman to a movie, and then what?"

He laughed at her curiosity. "Then what…? That all depends on the woman, and if we connect and where we are…"

"Oh come on, surely you must have some kind of…I don't know…"

"Move?"

The way he frowned made her chuckle. "Or routine. Or something to that effect?"

Her fingers had been relatively quiet up to this point, but now her nerves were slowly sending a tremble through them again.

"Clarisse, how many dates do you think I go on?"

Her smile disappeared. Truth was, she had wondered endlessly about Joseph's whereabouts when he wasn't working. She thought she knew everything about him, but as her thoughts started to wander, she realized she didn't know what he did when she wasn't around. A strange awakening.

"I wouldn't dare to venture a guess," she said teasingly. Dear Lord, she hoped he wouldn't look right through her this time.

"Let's just say the last one was…oh…about a year ago."

Her heart jumped. "Really? Who was it?" she asked, sipping from her wine.

"Blind date," he shrugged. "Boring as hell. I was glad when it was over."

To that she simply laughed.

"So what about you?" Joseph suddenly asked.

"Me?"

"Yes you. I know you never 'dated' because you told me…but what about all your admirers?"

"I beg your pardon?"

Without asking for her approval, he took her glass from her and refilled it. "All those men who can't help but turn their heads when you pass them. Every man you meet, not just the heads of state you deal with, although I swear they are the worst. Don't think I don't notice."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Yeah, right." He placed the bottle down and sat back, staring at her with a twinkle in his eyes. "Of course you notice, Clarisse. You know how men respond to you. You know exactly where your strength lies."

Her eyebrows raised. "Diplomacy? Foreign affairs?"

He didn't smile but paused for a moment, looking at her. She had surprisingly little make up on this evening, yet it softened her. Somehow she looked even more radiant than usual. "You know you're a devastatingly attractive woman. You know you're beautiful - and way too charming for your own good. Men can't resist you. They never stand a chance."

His compliments shot through her veins like electricity through water. Yet she held her ground, unwilling to give in. "Are you projecting, Joseph?" she smiled daringly.

"Perhaps."

Her fingers played with her wine glass. "You know an awful lot about me, don't you?"

His grin grew. "I was fortunate enough to observe you for many years. It does help. I learned a lot."

"Care to give me an example of what else you know?"

He inhaled deeply through his nose, closing his eyes. "I know you tuck your hair behind your ears when you're uncomfortable or nervous. I know you secretly hate the china your late mother-in-law gave you for a wedding present." He paused for a moment. "You take off your tiara the second it's possible because you find it uncomfortable. You have a pet name for every horse on the palace grounds…."

Clarisse's tummy tightened as she listened to Joseph's hoarse voice. Combined with the candlelight and the meaning of his words, it created an intimacy that was warm, soothing and for some reason, very sensual. Her marriage to Rupert had been one of gentle affection. An agreeable union in so many ways, but one that somehow lacked the longing looks and gentle laughter she shared with Joseph. It unnerved and excited her at the same time.

His eyes met hers, making her heart jump. "I know you like to eat chicken with your fingers when you think nobody's watching. That you only drink milk when it's cold out of the fridge. I know your hair curls a little when it's damp. How much you long to be outside after it stops raining and how much it kills you when you can't…"

"You do know me well," she said, her voice hoarse.

He smiled at her, a warm, endearing smile. Then, his smile disappeared. "And I know you're terrified to be alone with me."

She swallowed hard. Suddenly the loaded tension was back and she stared at him, her heart pounding so wildly in her chest that she was sure he could hear it.

The silence lengthened and suddenly he pushed himself out of his seat and came to stand in front of her. He extended both hands, helping her get up so she came to face him, yet he didn't release her hands. "Aren't you, Clarisse?"

Her cheeks deepened in color, holding on to his gaze. Slowly she nodded. Yes she was afraid to be alone with him, but only because she couldn't trust herself. She had no control over her own actions when he was this close to her. His eyes were dark and blazed with fire, a dangerous expression, as she had learned earlier today. When his hold on her tightened and he pulled her closer towards him, she knew he felt the exact same way.

"I'm afraid too," he whispered close to her ear. "Afraid I don't know how to control myself when I'm alone with you. I'm afraid I will scare you away."

Why did she have so many butterflies in her stomach that it felt as if it could burst any second? Why did her heart pound so fiercely? Why did her hand slide to his chest as if it was controlled by an invisible chord?

"Joseph," she whispered desperately. His face came down to hers and his lips brushed her cheek, then lightly past her ear. "Please don't make me fall in love with you.""

He pulled himself away from her and looked at her breathlessly. Her eyes were only inches away from him and he drowned in the deep blue sparkle that made him think of the ocean. "It's too late, Clarisse," he whispered.

He bent lower, gently kissing her mouth. His kiss was slow and gentle, with plenty of time for her to push him away if she so desired. But she didn't. For the third time, she kissed him back. It was a single kiss, just lips, so slow and tender. He inhaled deeply and smelled her perfume; the slightly sweet scent seemed to envelope him. When he opened his eyes for second, they met hers; they were loaded with fire. His strong arms tightened around her, pulling her closer and they smiled at one another before his lips came to hers again. Once, twice, lingering, and finally, his mouth opened gently, moving hers along with it and his tongue anxiously searched hers out. She was stiff for a few seconds before she melted against him, all soft and warm in his arms.

She felt as if she sank deeper and deeper into a pool of sensuality until she thought she might drown. Only with Joseph, she allowed herself to let go in a way she never had, trusting him to always catch her and hold her close. His tongue played with hers, tasting oh so sweet. Yes it was too late. She was already in a place where common sense wasn't able to reach her. That wonderful place where her heart was in charge and ruled her body. Pure lust melted away all the stings of guilt and fear; all that was left was desire and need.

Sliding her hands over his firm shoulders, she let out a shuddering sigh. His muscles spasmed beneath her touch as her hands traveled further down his back. He trembled all over.

He swiftly echoed her movements; roaming his hands across her back. With a frustrated groan that came from deep within his throat, his hands slid down from her lower back to feel the curve of her behind. He pulled her hips close against him and tore his mouth away from hers, kissing her neck hungrily. "Jesus, Clarisse...I want you so badly."

For the first time in years, Clarisse felt her inner muscles tighten so fiercely that it sent a delicious sharp tingle through her body. The mere feel of his firmness pressed up against her was a maddening awakening; she thought she had put this part of her to sleep years ago. And then Joseph came and pulled the blankets away. She was powerless when he touched her and he knew it.

His gaze locked with hers as he slid his hand up to her neck and steered her lips towards his again. There was no turning back, the second she tasted him she quickly wrapped her arms around his shoulders and responded to his need. His fingers played in the hair at the nape of her neck and then his hand loosened and dropped, inch by inch. By the tremble in his fingers, she knew where he was heading. Joseph lowered his hand in a slow glide to cover her breast, his mouth still roaming over hers. She gasped. The intimacy of his touch sent a maddening jolt of desire all the way to her toes and back up to hit her right in her most intimate place. And yet she still didn't pull away; instead she moaned so deeply that she was startled by her own sound.

He kissed her harder and faster, hearing her approval in the pattern of her breathing. She tasted so mind-blowingly delicious, so unbelievingly sweet. Her body curved into his, fitting him like a glove. Feeling the softness of her in the palm of his hand sent jolts of passion to his lower stomach, while her mouth opened even wider to him. Blood rushed to his head and then it all seemed to travel south in one straight line; he was unable to hide his excitement from her.

She trembled in his arms, her legs feeling weak underneath her. Her hands flew over his strong back, fingers toying with the back of his belt, then suddenly she pulled his shirt out of the back of his pants. Heaven help her, she wanted to feel his skin. It was slowly becoming impossible to stand here much longer, she wanted to lie down and pull him right on top of her where he belonged. She needed to feel his full weight upon her. She desperately wanted to be underneath him, willing to accept everything he was willing to give her. And he had so much to offer, so much to share with her.

"Oh Christ," he moaned in desperation, arching his back when he felt her hands gracing his skin. "Clarisse, what are you doing to me?"

In response, she freed his shirt completely from his pants and darted her tongue inside his mouth, her fingers tracing a pattern from his back to his flat stomach. It was heaven to feel his warm skin and how his abdominal muscles contracted underneath her touch.

Shaking all over, he pulled her closer against him. His fingers flexed and spasmed, gripping into her skirt, drawing her hips even closer to him; his hands traveling once again to her chest. In his excitement he took a step forward, inadvertently pushing her backward against one of the chairs. With her heel tangled in the chair, she almost tumbled, but he held her close against him, protecting her, always protecting her. And suddenly he remembered where they were. The moment they parted he stared at her and suddenly, he took a deep breath. "My God… I can't believe I'm saying this...but we have to stop."

Her eyes widened in disbelief and he grabbed her face in his hands, kissing her deeply before she had time to step away from him. "You know I can't resist you," he whispered against her trembling lips. "You know I want you so badly that it physically hurts me to say this right now. But I don't want it to be like this. I don't want something quick and fumbling. I want to take my time with you. I want it to be special. You deserve something special."

She stared at him in complete and utter wonder. His eyes were ablaze with ferocious desire and longing for her…a look she knew for certain matched the one in her own eyes. And yet, there was something else there, too. Such passion; yet such gentleness. How could this man, as blinded by desire as she was at this very moment, be at once both so fierce and so tender? He was staring at her intensely, with such tenderness and concern; willing her to understand how he felt; what he wanted for them both.

Before she could open her mouth to protest, he drew her into his embrace, wrapping his arms so tightly around her that she could hardly breathe. He stroked her back tenderly, and rocked her gently in his arms until her breathing and heart rate finally began to slow. When she had regained some control, she lifted her head away from his shoulder and looked at him. My God, what a claim this man had on her heart. Overcome with emotion, she almost wept out of love and gratitude. She blinked back tears and smiled gently at him; acknowledging that she did in fact understand. She understood all too well; and she loved him even more for his concern for her. She was always his first concern, she knew that now more than ever before.

"Well…for a first date, I consider this to be very special," she said in a soft voice, which sounded strange and high, at least to her ears.

He merely smiled at that, gently stroking her hair away from her face. "I'm glad you came tonight."

She closed her eyes for a brief moment, leaning into his touch. "So am I."

Sighing deeply, he wrapped both arms around her and pulled her into his embrace once again. He lowered his head and inhaled her scent deeply, locking it into his nose and heart.

She nestled herself in his embrace, placing both hands on his firm back. It was so comforting to feel his protective arms around her, as if nothing in the world could harm her. And suddenly she was overcome with a sense of fear; against their agreement earlier to take it one day at a time, she wasn't ready to let him go. "When can I see you again?"

If he was surprised by her question, he didn't show it. "Soon," he murmured in her hair. "I'll think of something."

Reluctantly she pulled away from him and sighed deeply when she found his loving gaze resting on her. A nervous smile fought to break on her face. "This is insane. You know that, right?"

"Insane, but wonderful…" he whispered. Slowly he lowered his head, touching her nose lightly with his own. He loved her nose, the curve it made. "Clarisse, I hate to say it but the guards change shifts in fifteen minutes. They will patrol here."

She nodded quietly and pulled away just an inch, her eyes burning into his. "So I better head back to my quarters now."

Joseph swallowed. "You really should. I'll check to see if the hallway is secure."

After one last kiss on her lips he managed to tear himself away from her, walking towards the door that would end this magical evening. Doing so, he adjusted his clothing, noting how behind him Clarisse did the same thing. It was highly amusing and yet oddly comforting at the same time. After one last glance at Clarisse, he carefully opened the door, glancing down the hallway to make sure she was able to leave the room without anyone seeing her. He nodded at Clarisse, beckoning her to get moving.

Suddenly feeling quite nervous, she moved towards him. "What about the candles and the wine?"

"I'll take care of everything," he whispered.

What a strange feeling she had. She was the Queen of this country and yet she felt like a schoolgirl again, deadly afraid to get caught doing something naughty. Somehow, through her nerves, it both angered and amused her. She shouldn't have to sneak through the halls of her own palace. And yet it tickled her funny bone to debate about hiding the evidence.

Reaching the door, she suddenly stopped in her tracks, looking at Joseph with a twinkle in her eyes. "Do you really want to know what my favourite film is, Joseph?"

He stared at her in surprise. "Yes?"

Her hand touched his cheek. "Roman Holiday."

With those words she glanced into the hallway and slipped out of the screening room, leaving Joseph behind. A smile tugged on his lips. Too late to keep from falling in love? It was indeed.

_TBC...that's all for now! The next chapter is on the way, I promise. Just have a little patience with me. _

_Until next time!_

_Love, Janet. _


	8. Food For Thoughts

_Hi all, I'm here with an update! WAHOO! Are you still with me? I sure hope so. I'm so sorry it took me so long to get back here but things have been crazy here. Health issues, store in december mode, the works. But enough about me - do r__emember where we left our lovely couple? Remember the screening room? When things almost got out of hand? Well it's a week later now and Clarisse finds herself in the bathroom of the Winter Palace. The Winter Palace? Yes it exists. It's the place Mia wants to turn into a orphan's shelter. That palace. We're there now so enjoy!_

**_Winter Palace, Genovia._**

Cold, sparkling water poured over her hands and wrists and she welcomed the cooling and vitalizing intensity it brought her. Her limbs were aching a little, her back feeling a bit sore, her feet becoming tender in her high heels. It was getting late.

The Winter Palace had done its duty once more, always being the perfect venue for numerous festivities and charity functions.

_Youth Awareness Day_ had been a grand success, even more so than the organizing committee had anticipated. To open up the palace to literally hundreds of giggling teens was quite a challenge, especially because the goal of the day was to make them learn about their monarchy. In many ways, they had succeeded.

This evening promised to become even more wonderful. Her dear friend Adrienne was on her way for a short visit. She was scheduled to arrive any time now. It would be so wonderful to see that cheerful face again.

A short knock on the door of her private suite disturbed her pondering. "Ready to go?" a male voice inquired.

She smiled nervously as she combed her hair behind her ears. Joseph was waiting for her outside her door to escort her back home to the palace. Ever since their first date in the screening room, they hadn't been able to look at each other without even a hint of a smile. When thinking back to that evening, through all the warm and passionate feelings, she sometimes felt somewhat embarrassed. The area they explored was so unknown, so daunting, and yet so thrilling and enticing that sometimes she felt lost. Was it too early to think of their relationship as an affair? Were they dating? What was the right way to describe their interactions lately? Juvenile was one way to put it, she certainly didn't feel like the monarch she was supposed to be. Just thinking of him made her cheeks flush and her eyes sparkle, creating an image in the mirror that she so desperately tried to hide: the image of a woman in love.

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm still not talking to you," she said in a flat voice as she opened the door for him. Her eyes twinkled, she felt it, but she held her composure.

Normally when they attended an official gathering, he would be wearing an ear piece and either his long leather coat, in case they would venture outside, or a custom made tuxedo. Now however, he wasn't wearing either. In stead, he was wearing black jeans, a loose blue shirt, no tie, and a casual black jacket. He had already changed, which surprised her.

The corner of his mouth twisted just an inch. "I have noticed."

"Just making sure you did," she replied as she locked the door behind her and let him guide her through the long corridor.

"So when are you gonna start?" he asked, glancing aside in mock curiosity.

"Start with what?" she asked.

"With not talking to me."

"Shut up," she said.

Now he laughed out loud. It was fun, imitating young people.

Clarisse's lips curled as well. "Is the Mercedes here already?" she asked in a casual tone as they walked past her office, further down the vacated corridor towards the grand hall. Their heels clicked in synchrony on the smooth surface. After a quick glance at her watch she continued: "Sam should be…"

It was the moment he'd been waiting for and he interrupted her. "Sam will be here in 60 minutes from now, as requested."

Her confused look almost made him chuckle, yet he felt a hint of nervousness shooting through his body.

"In an hour?" she asked. "I don't understand." Her footsteps slowed down as she turned halfway in an attempt to meet his gaze A nervous smile appeared on her face. "Joseph, why is Sam running late?"

He took a deep gulp of air. It was now or never. "Because I asked him to run another errand first."

She stopped in her tracks immediately. He followed her example, standing still, too.

"Excuse me?"

He cleared his throat, trying to sound casual and light but failing miserably. "Actually, Your Majesty, I was hoping you'd grant me a little favor."

Confusion filled her even more. "A favor," she repeated.

"Yes," he said, rubbing his nose. "Since we are alone, I thought…"

"Wait. Are you saying…" she interrupted as she looked ahead through the empty corridor, listening intently to catch any sound. Then she looked back, straight into his eyes. "Are you saying we're _alone_…alone?"

He coughed and a soft apologetic smile appeared on his lips. "Sam is picking up your guest from the airport as we speak. After that, he'll come to take you home."

Clarisse frowned. "But Charlotte..."

He spoke quickly. "Charlotte is already back at the Palace, busy preparing your speech for tomorrow and she needs her time to be ready. She won't disturb you."

"And Shades…"

"…Is doing an _'absolutely cannot wait, top secret, very personal'_ assignment for his superior."

She still wasn't sure she heard it right. "So…"

He took a step closer, carefully, tentatively, his eyes not leaving hers. "So this means we have sixty minutes of undisturbed time."

Finally he saw what he had been hoping to see. A small smile formed on her lips. "Well…fifty-nine now," he said with a boyish grin.

"Goodness," she said in a soft voice, then covered her mouth because a giggle formed in her throat. "This is quite a surprise."

"Well that's convenient because it was meant to be one," he shrugged. For a short moment he let his eyes wander across her face, but then seemed to reconsider and pulled his glance away. In contrary to the other palace where some privacy could be found, in the winter palace camera's were everywhere. "And right now you are ruining my surprise if you keep standing in this bloody hallway. This way, please?"

This time she couldn't suppress a chuckle as he placed a hand on the small of her back to guide her towards the heavy wooden door in the center of the hallway.

"The private dining room?" she asked, eyes widening. "You arranged something in the private dining room… with hundreds of people as possible witnesses?"

"No, Your Highness, and stop talking now," he said, eyes rolling. He ignored her mocking, offended gasp. Pushing the door open she immediately saw he was telling her the truth; the private dining room was dark, cold and empty.

She let him guide her through the large room, around the large wooden dining table, past the large windows, heading towards the…

"Kitchen?" she asked.

"Keep moving," he said. "And if you don't stop talking now, I will summon Sam immediately and you will never know."

She didn't apologize, but giggled unintentionally. This unexpected chance for some privacy was not just surprising, but it also brought a nervous sensation of forbidden pleasure. As if somehow, they would be caught being somewhere they weren't allowed to go. As if she didn't own this entire building with every room and everything in it, from the furniture to the very last vase.

"Close your eyes," she heard him say. She didn't obey straight out but searched for his gaze. Through her curiosity, she felt that incredible arousing flutter somewhere in her stomach, and she allowed herself to revel in the sensation for a moment. A nervous smile fought to break across her face, but she quickly smothered it under the smooth, neutral expression of perfect composure. His pleading smile melted her resistance, but it wasn't until she heard him softly murmur "Trust me," that she was convinced to finally close her lids.

Step by step she let him guide her. Against her expectations, she sensed that the kitchen was completely vacated and it smelled like detergent and chlorine.

"Joseph?" she whispered, although she didn't know why she didn't speak out loud.

"Just a few more steps," he said softly. "This way."

One more door opened and then she stepped into a warm, cozy atmosphere. The sterile smell of chlorine that had assaulted her senses a minute ago was suddenly replaced by a delicious aroma. The smell of garlic, basil, olives, cheese and a blend of Mediterranean spices overwhelmed her.

"You can look now," he said in his low, husky voice.

And so she did, blinking her eyes to clear her sight. There, in the back of the storage room, in a small alcove was a small round wooden table flanked by two comfortable looking chairs. The table was set with a linen table cloth, the color sheer white with bright, cheerful red stripes. The porcelain plates were large and white, the cutlery heavy from massive silver and the wine glasses were made of the finest crystal. A gasp escaped from her, realizing the lengths to which he had gone through to arrange this for her.

"Welcome to Rome," Joseph said behind her. Then he stepped to the side of her, smiling softly.

Clarisse's body and mind seemed to pause for a second. Rome. She inhaled to speak but closed her mouth at the last moment. For some reason the words wouldn't come.

"Clarisse?"

"I can't believe you'd do this," she whispered. "This is just…"

"Surely you've been to an Italian restaurant before?"

She blinked, looking at him now. His smile was almost shy and she could tell from the look in his eyes that through his light humour, he was waiting for her response. It warmed her heart. "Not in my own palace," she said softly.

For a moment they stared at one another until Joseph coughed to clear his throat. If this went on, he'd end up kissing her so passionately that they would never reach the dinner table. An enticing thought, but not the one he had been planning on.

"Well…," he said, as the silence lengthened. "Please sit down, before it gets cold."

Smiling, she saw how he moved in front of her to pull back her chair. "Thank you. Something smells delicious in here," she said as she sat down. "What is it?"

He uncorked a bottle of white wine. Once again an Italian brand, she read from the label. "That, milady, would be the finest, most exquisite soft buffalo cheese you have ever tasted," he said as he poured her a glass of wine.

"Mozzarella?" she asked, turning her head to find the source of the smell. Now she saw that Joseph had lit an old coal oven in the back of the storage room. Somehow she had forgotten all about its existence.

"Mozzarella," he nodded. "But not the fake kind the chef uses. That one has the structure of chewing gum." He walked calmly towards the back of the room and returned with a plate containing a slice of white, soft looking cheese. "Close your eyes," he told her.

"Again?"

"I want you to fully appreciate it," he said. "Please."

She obeyed; how could she refuse? When she felt something soft and moist pressing against her lips, she opened her mouth.

Joseph held his breath when he saw her soft lips so close to his fingertips. He could not refrain from staring at her mouth; that perfect softness of her lips and the pearly white teeth that caught the reflection of the burning candles. Without any hesitation, Clarisse was allowing him to slide something into her mouth and the intimacy and sensuality of the moment was not lost on him.

"Mmm…" she nodded as she let the flavor of the cheese take control over her senses. The moment she took a tentative bite, a burst of milky fluid washed over her tongue, a fountain of sheer delicacy. The cheese itself was smooth, yet soft, creamy and fresh; it was like nothing she had ever tasted before. She hardly had to chew, the cheese seemed to melt after that first bite she took.

"That is…delicious," she finally managed to say. Slowly, she opened her eyes and caught his gaze resting on her. "Truly remarkable."

"Good," he said, blinking, suddenly waking up from his trance. "There's more."

"I cannot believe you got that old thing to work," she said, nodding at the coal oven. "To be frank, I didn't even know the Chef had saved it in here."

"That's because he didn't," Joseph said as he walked over to the oven.

"Are you saying you brought it back?"

He did not answer but opened the oven and glanced inside. Suddenly the smell of garlic, cheese and several other delicious ingredients increased to the extent that Clarisse felt her tummy tightening from longing.

"There are dozens of ways to create what I have created for you," he said. "But this is by far, the best way." With those words he took hold of something that looked like a long iron shovel, and placed it inside the oven. "Ah. Perfect!"

"Pizza?" she said with a surprised laugh when it finally dawned on her. "Are we having _pizza_?"

Smiling, he placed the steaming pizza on a wooden plate. "Pizza," he nodded. "But a very special one by the recipe of my great grandmother."

"You could have called a hotline for that you know," she chuckled as he made his way over to her with two damping plates. "Would have saved you a lot of time."

He frowned. "Gloria Maria Romero would turn in her grave if she heard you utter that insult."

"All right, I give in," she stated as he placed the pizza in front of her. "I must say that it looks delicious. What's in it?"

"Dough."

"Joseph…" she chuckled, shaking her head.

"First we eat, then we talk," he said while sitting down. "And you better use knife and fork for this. This pizza deserves to be treated with respect."

"You're talking like it has a soul."

His furrowed brow made her swallow the rest of her sentence and she took her fork and knife.

"Thank you," he said. "Eat."

And so she did. With his eyes focussed on her, she took her first tentative bite. The crust was crunchy on the outside, yet soft and chewy within and it had a faint toasty flavor. The sauce Joseph had used was fresh and slightly sweet, a surprising combination, and a hint of garlic tingled on her tongue. She recognized the taste of real Italian prosciuotto, wild mushrooms, green pepper and again, the soft exquisite mozzarella that did not disturb, but only completed the other ingredients. Soon she would learn that every single bite would be a little different than the last. She closed her eyes in pure pleasure. "This is…Joseph, I…"

"Shh…" he said, picking up his own fork and knife. "Later."

She couldn't do much else but finish her meal in silence. It was like they were both lost in appreciation but not only for the taste; also for the undisturbed peace and quiet that was suddenly posed to them.

* * *

"Oh goodness, it's awfully late," Clarisse said as she glanced at her watch. She giggled unintentionally. "I have an early meeting tomorrow."

"The road is treacherous today so Sam might even be later than expected. And a meeting? Really?" Joseph replied as he weighed a ball of paper napkins in his hand before he gracefully hurled it in the direction of the overfilled wastebasket with the left overs of their dinner party, hanging his head in mock disappointment as he missed miserably. "I thought you didn't take meetings on Sunday mornings anymore".

"Oh this one we take." she said, biting her lip not to laugh at his failed attempt at hitting the trashcan and raised a brow at him in silent challenge, handing him her own napkin. "Nothing like going through this year's accounts to get you out of bed on a Sunday morning."

"I'll be on duty too," Joseph frowned, trying to hit the trashcan once more. With a satisfied smile, he succeeded. "We are crazy people."

"Who have crazy jobs," she nodded.

"Amen to that." And then both laughed quietly.

"You know what, I'm glad we, or rather _you_, did this," she said as their laughter subsided, her fingers slowly travelling over the soft linen on the table, worrying it between her fingers as she looked up at him. She smiled softly at the slight surprise evident in his dark eyes and took a slow drink of her wine, studying him.

"Then we need a toast." Joseph cleared his throat and raised his glass, his features slightly obscured in the dim lighting. She could hear the catch in his voice, causing a slight tingle to resonating somewhere deep within her. "To icy roads and incompetent drivers."

"To icy roads and incompetent drivers," she repeated softly, touching her glass to his.

Both taking a sip, they grew silent and Clarisse sighed deeply after swallowing the wine, staring into her glass.

"Penny for your thoughts."

"You know what I'm thinking of," she said softly.

Immediately the light, breezy atmosphere was gone. "I think I do."

She reached out over the table and squeezed his hand, shaking her head slightly. "This dinner was wonderful. Your effort is just…wonderful. But an hour, as wonderful as it is..."

He nodded, placing his hand on top of hers. "...is not enough"

Silence fell and Clarisse held on to his gaze. Again, this being together wasn't just sheer joy that made her stomach flutter, it also confronted her with the realization how things could be if given half the chance. It made her realize once more how she was tied to her work, to her obligations. How wonderful, strangely easy and yet extremely difficult it had been, this past week. Their relationship had deepened to the extent that neither was able to think clearly. Until last week, she had been convinced that she simply could not let him fall too deep. And she hadn't been willing to fall for him either, as for the simple fact that she would not be able to climb back up. But she fell alright and she was down in the well right now, deeper than she'd ever been before.

Joseph made an attempt to clear his throat but he failed, all that came out was a hoarse cough. He swallowed. "I have something for you."

She pulled her hands away from his grasp, eyes full of wonder. And as she kept gazing at him, out of his pocket came a small black velvet box. There wasn't wrapping paper around it and the velvet looked like it had been carried around for quite some time, but it sent an electric shock to her stomach. Her eyes widened.

He tried to find the words but as he searched her warm and surprised gaze, he could not utter one coherent sentence. He handed her the box in silence.

With trembling hands she accepted the box, her mouth dry as paper. Surely he didn't…he wouldn't…She inhaled shakily and pressed it open, fingers trembling.

Three small diamonds set in a golden bracelet sparkled in the black velvet, she then saw, and she let go of the breath she was holding. "Goodness gracious, Joseph…"

"Do you like it?"

"I…I don't know what to say," she breathed, her eyes fixated on the bracelet. "Where, why, how…?"

"It's Italian gold," he said with a shy smile, taking the box from her trembling hands. "I thought it was fitting for the occasion."

She felt dizzy but she accepted the bracelet from him. Then she looked up, a sense of confusion evident in her eyes. "Joseph, you shouldn't have…this is too expensive."

"Are you seriously going to give me a hard time about how much money I spend?" he chuckled. "You know my salary, I can afford it."

She looked at the bracelet again, her heart pounding.

"Can you blame a man for the urge to give something special to a special lady?" he then tried, his tone light. He didn't feel light inside though, all his nerve endings were tensed.

"It is special," she then said in a soft voice. Finally she met his gaze again and to his big relief, the confused look had been replaced by a warm glance.

"So are you," he said just as softly. Gently he touched her hand. "May I?"

To that she nodded and allowed him to place the bracelet around her wrist. It was a perfect fit and the diamonds sparkled cheerfully as she turned her arm a little.

"It's beautiful," she whispered. "Thank you."

His finger trailed in one motion from her hand up to her arm, finding her shoulder, up to her ear, and then his hand smoothed over her cheek.

She leaned into his hand, closing her eyes, and then she turned her head slightly. She smelled the inside of his hand before she kissed it so tenderly, so carefully, that his heart started pounding in his chest.

"I can't sleep Clarisse…" he suddenly said, his voice hoarse. "I literally can't stop thinking of you. This is driving me insane."

Licking her dry lips, she gazed deeply into his eyes. "I know," she whispered, shaking her head slightly. "I just don't know how we can…I mean…"

His stomach dropped but before she could finish her sentence, he groaned softly in frustration. He glanced at his cellphone. "Clarisse…you're not gonna believe this."

"What?"

"Sam's here."

* * *

Clarisse squeezed shampoo into her hand and gradually worked the gel into her wet scalp. The shower filled with the light jasmine aroma of her favourite shampoo. Inhaling it deeply, she then massaged her neck with both hands. She turned her head towards the warm beams and let the water rinse the creamy foam out of her hair without bothering to use her hands.

Humming a familiar tune, she couldn't help but smile when she thought of her plans this evening. A few days ago, her dear friend Adrienne had called her to let her know she had to make an unexpected trip to Europe. She had a meeting in the South of France and asked Clarisse if she was able to, as Adrienne put it, 'pop in' for a day or two. And so she did, she 'popped in', and Clarisse was absolutely thrilled with this unexpected surprise.

She closed the tap with a quick gesture, listening to the twinkling sound of the last drops hitting the marble floor. Usually when Adrienne would come for a visit, Clarisse always made sure to have as much time with her friend as possible. This sudden visit sadly didn't give her enough time to free her schedule. So, Adrienne had used the time they couldn't spend together so far to sleep her jetlag away. And tonight, finally, they would be able to catch up.

Clarisse's hands travelled over her body, spreading a light scented soothing oil over her still damp skin. The intimate touch immediately sent her back to roughly a week ago, the night in the screening room. How close they had been to finally take that last step together. She could still feel his hands roaming over her body as if they belonged nowhere else. Right there and then, it had seemed inevitable for them to continue what they started. But every day life had taken up so much of her time that they never really found the time to see each other. Having pizza together a day before had been so lovely, so warm and pleasant…and again they had been forced to walk away from each other.

Shaking her head to stop herself from thinking of Joseph once again, she started to rub her skin dry with a thick fluffy towel. Adrienne was coming to her suite for that long longed for chat, a glass of wine and a selection of delicate cheeses – it was a tradition they had picked up years ago, their favourite way to end a day.

She had barely thrown on her comfortable evening attire when a familiar rhythmic knock on the door of her suite made her smile. She was early, as Clarisse expected and quickly she opened the door.

"Adrienne!"

"Hello darling." She threw her arms around her best friend and Clarisse closed her eyes for a moment. Adrienne still smelled of her Diorissimo; a familiar and comforting fresh scent.

They parted, both smiling broadly. Clarisse stared in the bright green sparkling eyes and the rough short dark blonde haircut that matched her friend's personality. "Did you recover from your flight darling?"

Adrienne rolled her eyes. "There's no way to recover from the smell of a sweaty business men who like to eat salami for lunch. I swear, people like that should not be allowed to cross the Atlantic."

Clarisse chuckled, leading Adrienne into her suite. "Next time let me know sooner when you come over, I am able to arrange some things for certain guests. You know about the family's jet."

"I know, you said that last night too. But no need darling, no need."

Clarisse suppressed an amused smile. Their lives were different in so many ways, yet there was also so much common ground. Adrienne, like Clarisse, married at quite an early age, but Adrienne chose to do it against the will of her parents. She was pregnant when her father broke all ties with her, and she chose to be with the love of her life. Sadly the marriage proved to be an unhappy one which ended in divorce. She had to take care of her 3 children alone and had worked multiple jobs to keep her head above water. Adrienne had fought, struggled, and won. Today, she was a very successful business woman who ruled her company in her own unique way. Her children, who were all adults now, were strong, happy and stable individuals who adored their mother.

They exchanged pleasantries for a while and Clarisse felt the tension of the day slip away as she listened to the enthusiastic stories of her friend. After a while, both women leaned back in their chairs and enjoyed the comfortable silence.

Adrienne smiled as she looked at Clarisse. There was something different about her. She had always been a classical beauty, but there was something about Clarisse that caught Adrienne's eye. Somehow her skin looked smoother than usual. Her ever so deep blue eyes were vital and sparkling and her cheeks had a healthy blush. Even her movements were different; she could hardly sit still. A sly knowing grin appeared on Adrienne's face but she smothered it by taking a small sip from her wine. Clarisse did the same thing.

Adrienne inhaled deeply. "So, do I have to bring him up or are you?"

Clarisse swallowed the wine a little too quickly. "Who are you talking about?"

"Prince Charles. Who do you think I'm talking about?"

"Adrienne…"

Adrienne's grin returned. "So…?"

"So, nothing," Clarisse said in a neutral tone, but then, despite her desperately trying to stop it, her lips curved upwards.

"I knew it!" Adrienne exclaimed, almost spilling wine on the sofa. "I knew it the second you opened the door. You're positively glowing darling. I'm happy for you Clarisse, I truly am. Finally you allow yourself to enjoy life a little."

Clarisse's cheeks flushed and she took a sip to hide her nerves, talking about it made it seem even more real. And yet surreal at the same time. Part of her wanted to keep all of this to herself, guarding it with her life forever more…and part of her wanted to scream off the rooftops how she felt. Her soul was torn and yet she realized that if there ever was a time to confide in someone, it was now. Adrienne would never tell a soul about this.

Placing her glass down, she folded her hands in front of her mouth and glanced at the smiling face next to her. She smothered a giggle that formed in her throat and then she turned serious. "It's daunting Adrienne, I honest to god don't know what I'm doing. I don't even know how to call it."

"Does it have to have a name?`

Her tummy tightened, just thinking of him, and it sent a delicious tingle through her body. "Perhaps it doesn't."

Adrienne smiled. "I do admit - I've always liked Joseph."

Clarisse's cheeks were burning now and quickly she got up to refill her friend's glass although she hadn't even finished it. "He's very…special."

Adrienne tilted her head, studying the change in Clarisse's expression. "Then why the glum look?"

Suddenly she started to talk, her voice seemingly calm but an odd tremble had formed. "It's just so complicated. We're not an ordinary couple. It's not like this is a normal situation where we can slowly find out if it could work between us." She looked aside.

"Adrienne, I'm watched 24 hours a day, except when I'm in my private chambers and even then, security cameras scan my hallways, waiting for me to reappear. We don't have privacy, ever. There are only a few stolen hours in which we manage to see each other and even then something always gets in the way."

She was quiet for a moment and then she inhaled deeply, finishing her train of thoughts. "There just isn't time enough. No privacy enough. We don't have time to be together long enough to… Technically, we're not even…we haven't even…" Clarisse stopped herself, unable to continue. But Adrienne did it for her.

"Slept together?"

She coughed and sipped from her wine, shaking her head slightly.

"Why not?"

She had to laugh. "Why not? How in the world do you see all of this happening Adrienne? I can't just ask him to meet me somewhere private to…", she gestured with her hands, "…_you know_. I can't plan on this, it's way too complicated. These things have to happen naturally."

"First of all, I don't see why you can't ask him to make a date to…_you know_," Adrienne echoed her. "And second, surely it must be able for you to arrange a little privacy? If you want to, that is."

"What do you mean _if_ I want to?" Clarisse asked, getting up from her seat.

"Well, _do_ you want to?"

Clarisse's arms folded on her stomach, unable to look her friend in the eye. "It's been years for me Adrienne. _Years_!"

"And now you're worried they've changed it somehow?"

She laughed, she couldn't help it and she sat down again, covering her cheeks with both hands. "Oh God I don't know what on earth I'm doing. This is all happening so fast. A couple of weeks ago I was just fine and now I actually have to worry about having…"

"Sex."

She didn't answer, just made a vague gesture with her hand.

Adrienne laughed shortly but then she turned to serious, reaching out to stroke her friend's back in a comforting manner. "I know it's scary Clarisse. But don't run away this time."

She didn't remove her hands from her face. "I'm not running away. For the first time in my life I'm actually running towards someone."

A warm smile broke on Adrienne's face. "And that terrifies you, doesn't it? What are you so afraid of?"

"Do I truly have to explain that?"

Adrienne took a deep breath. "There are many reasons to be afraid. You can be afraid that it won't work between you two. Afraid it will leave you both in heartache. Afraid things won't go as planned. Perhaps even afraid you won't match physically…"

She peeked aside. "Is all of that so strange?"

Again that warm smile. "No. But I think it's not true. You're not afraid it won't work. You're afraid it will work. You're terrified that it will be so wonderful that you can't withdraw from him anymore. You know you are head over heels in love with him and being intimate with him will only make matters worse. Because he is a delicious man."

Clarisse's hands covered her eyes completely. "Oh god, he is delicious."

Adrienne laughed. "Yes darling. Welcome to hormone city. Population, millions."

* * *

**_TBC... _**

_Author's note: And now things get really difficult. Why? You will have to wait and see. I'm doing anything I can to write and post as soon as possible. I hope you enjoyed this chapter though!_

_Until next time! Love, Janet._


	9. That's What Friends Are For

_Well - I'm here with an update! I can't tell you how much help I've received from my dear friends. Thanks for the input you lovely ladies - it helped a lot. Sometimes I'm just stuck, and you pull me out of the well. Thank you! Also a big thank you for all your lovely reviews dear readers. Without you, it wouldn't be much fun to dream up more scenes. I'm eternally grateful! _

_Last time in "Knowing"- Adrienne came for a visit and Clarisse had just entered Hormone City. Here's what happened next: _

* * *

**_That's What Friends Are For:_**

The security centre in the Palace of Genovia was located in the east wing. It was a large room with high panels on the walls and a hard wooden floor that was covered with loose wires and equipment. There were no windows in this room and one had to use a key card and a personalized code to have access. There were about 12 computers standing in a neat line, all connected to the always active alarm system. The camera system was connected to dozens of movement detectors, spread throughout the palace. Behind the large desk, Joseph looked at the screen in front of him and then reached out to press a button close by. The door opened behind him but he didn't turn around to face the entering guest.

"Hi, Adrienne," he said.

Adrienne swore softly under her breath. "There's no surprising you, is there?"

A grin appeared on his face, and now he did turn. "You should know better by now." He took her hand and squeezed it warmly in greeting. "You look nice – very American."

She frowned. "I'm wearing jeans."

"Exactly."

"Oh shut up."

Both laughed.

"What can I do for you?" he said.

Adrienne hesitated for a second, then she smiled. "Nothing really. I just passed this secretive looking room on my way to my suite so I thought…"

"Let's see how other people work?"

"Something like that. So do you ever _not_ work?" Adrienne asked. "It's all I ever see you do it seems."

"I'm actually wrapping things up here," he said. "Nightshift takes over once the Queen has retired for the evening."

"I see."

He pulled a chair closer, gesturing to her to sit down. "It's good to see you; I know the Queen is happy you're here. What have you been up to?"

"Nothing much. Work, the boys are fine…" She glanced at the computer in front of her, noticing immediately that it was top-of-the-line in all respects. "Very nice…someone's got some new toys I see."

"How's your ex-husband?" Joseph gently pulled the keyboard away from underneath Adrienne's eager fingers.

"He's….wait." She raised a brow at him. "Which one?"

"Your next one."

She laughed. "Doing very well thank you. He still has his own apartment and I have mine - so maybe it's going well because of that."

"I think I envy that man just as much as I pity him."

"Flatterer. Now what about you?"

He rolled away from her on his chair, picking up a notebook and a pen. "What about me?"

"How have you been?"

He didn't look up. "Can't complain."

Adrienne studied him for a few seconds. "How long have you been working here? I was wondering that today."

Now he did look up. "Oh? Nice to hear you think of me sometimes."

"Darling, you have no idea."

Joseph smiled. "It will be 14 years this summer."

"14 years already. Goodness. So what's this?" Adrienne pointed at the huge flat screen against the wall.

Joseph rolled towards her and typed something on his keyboard. "This is our closed-circuit camera system. From here we have access to practically the entire palace. All the entrances and exits of course. The hallways, the grand hall, staircase, the entire property outside, of course…all visible with one mouse click. All digital these days. The IT guys are having a field day."

"So one can't even yawn or scratch without you guys seeing it?"

"Pretty much," he grinned. "You better do that inside the private suites or the guest quarters. Nobody will watch you there."

"I'm not sure whether I should be relieved or offended."

He chuckled.

"To think Clarisse is used to this…being watched almost every waking moment…" Adrienne said. "Oh, there she is!"

On one of the screens, they watched as Clarisse made her way through a long corridor, accompanied by her assistant, Charlotte.

Joseph smiled against his will. "Yes, there she is."

"It must be awful to not have any privacy," Adrienne said softly, gazing at Clarisse's friendly face as she spoke to her assistant. After a few seconds, Charlotte departed and Clarisse continued on her way down the corridor, where her image was seamlessly picked up by another camera as she entered the hallway where her office was located. "I feel like I'm spying her."

"We don't have camera's everywhere," Joseph said, continuing to watch Clarisse as she walked past her office door. "Clarisse knows which parts of the palace are in open view and the few which are not. But it's very necessary Adrienne; it's for her safety."

Adrienne shook her head, watching as the image of Clarisse moved

from one camera angle to another. "Can you imagine living your life this way though…I mean, the realization alone that it's necessary for your safety to have all these camera's pointed at you. Or to have people following you whenever you go outside. Never able to take a walk on the beach. Never able to stroll through town, buying Christmas presents. She's never truly alone Joseph."

He didn't answer, but an uneasy feeling washed over him.

"Define irony," Adrienne then sighed. "She's never alone, and yet she's been lonely."

"Well…" A dark sting shot through his stomach. It wasn't like he had never come to this conclusion himself, but hearing the actual words from Clarisse's dearest friend in the world was unsettling to the core.

Adrienne's voice softened. "When I was younger I never understood how she did it. To be frank I still don't fully understand. She is so kind, so genuine and so sensitive to other people's needs. She's not just someone people admire – she's part of people's lives and she's so modest that she doesn't even realize the impact she has. She's an incredibly hard worker, so devoted to her people, to her country. Her sense of discipline is unmatched."

He inhaled deeply. "But…?"

"But she forgets her own needs at times. Although 'forget' is probably not the right word. She ignores her own needs. Because her duty always comes first." Adrienne sighed. "Then again, duty should come first, otherwise she wouldn't have come this far. But her life hasn't been easy, Joseph." She turned and looked him directly in the eyes. "But then I'm probably telling you something you already know."

Joseph shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He stared at the monitor without actually seeing anything. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Well things have changed now, haven't they?" Adrienne asked, smiling softly at him.

"Have they?" he asked, trying desperately to sound light and slightly surprised.

Adrienne came to stand behind him, pointing over his shoulder at the screen. "Yes, they have. Look at her."

He stared at the moving images, finding Clarisse without even trying, and he selected that frame so it enlarged on the screen. She was talking to Mrs. Kouts in the grand hall, and for a moment Joseph's head was filled with confusion. But as he watched her longer, suddenly he saw what Adrienne was referring to. There was something different about Clarisse's appearance indeed. It was the light-hearted way she threw her head back with laughter in response to a remark made by her housekeeper. How her posture was loose and relaxed. How cheerfully she greeted a member of the kitchen staff who passed them.

"You see? She's happy…the happiest I've seen her in a very long time. I have a feeling she's gonna be just fine now," Adrienne smiled, patting Joseph's shoulder. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna grab a quick shower before Clarisse comes over for our last evening together."

He blinked, tearing his eyes off the screen. "Yes, sure. Have a good time tonight and a safe flight back home tomorrow."

She smiled at him from the doorway. "Thanks. Take care, Joseph. And take good care of our gal for me."

He hesitantly answered her smile. "You too…and I will."

As she left the security center, Joseph returned his gaze to the monitor. Had he just heard what he thought he heard? Could it be possible that Adrienne knew about the situation between him and Clarisse? Was he mistaken, or had Adrienne actually just given him her blessing? Could it be possible that Clarisse had actually confided in someone? Or did Adrienne simply suspect something was going on, and was just testing him to see how he would react?

He got up, opening his notebook again without really seeing anything; his mind instantly returning to his conversation of just a moment ago. Adrienne said things had changed and that Clarisse was happy now. How much did she know? What if Clarisse _had_ told her about them? God knows he certainly understood her need to confide in someone; the stress of trying to keep their feelings for each other a secret was getting to him also. But, what could she possibly have said? _"Oh, by the way, I'm having an affair with my head of security…"_ Impossible. She would never… Still, Adrienne seemed to know _something. _If Clarisse had talked about it, about them, would it mean that they were indeed…having an affair? Joseph shook his head to clear his thoughts; perhaps he was just reading too much into it. Perhaps he was simply hearing what he wanted to hear.

He blinked when the screen in front of him turned black. Clarisse was no longer on the center screen; but the motion detectors did their jobs – quickly closing the connection as her image appeared on the next screen. He shook his head again in an attempt to clear his mind. He was about to write his final notes for the evening when Adrienne put her head around the corner again.

"Oh Joseph – I forgot - you mind doing me one last favor?"

* * *

The thick carpet dented underneath Clarisse's high heels as she walked quickly through the hallway leading to the guest had good reason to move quickly: it was Adrienne's final evening here and they were going to spend it together. She was already late. She hadn't even had time to change into more comfortable clothes; she was still wearing her formal cashmere suit. The skirt was elegant, the jacket sophisticated and the blouse underneath delicate, but now her outfit made her feel utterly overdressed.

The guest quarters were located in the west wing of the Palace and Clarisse smiled as she entered it. It was light and welcoming, full of fresh flowers and beautiful sculptures and oil paintings. Her mother had always taught her to treat her guests with utmost care and respect, a lesson Clarisse had always lived up to.

In the far end of the light hallway, the door to Adrienne's suite was standing ajar and Clarisse smiled; it was typical of Adrienne to leave it open for her. Not bothering to knock, she entered the suite, closing the door behind her. The living room was empty but there was already a bottle of wine waiting for them. Clarisse turned her head, glancing into the bedroom. The bed was made but her friend was nowhere to be found.

"Adrienne?"

Suddenly, the sound of a toilet flushing reached her ears and moments later the bathroom door opened. Clarisse smiled.

"Hi dar…" She gasped and forgot to close her mouth. To her big surprise it wasn't Adrienne who entered the living room.

"Hi." Joseph stood there, wearing jeans and a black t-shirt.

Utter confusion filled her. "What are you doing here?"

"Adrienne needed some help with one of the windows. It wouldn't open she said. That makes sense since we locked it."

She looked around. "Where is she?"

He made his way over to the window, opening the lock. "She went to the kitchen I believe. She said you two needed…"

"Cheese," they said simultaneously.

He grinned, looking over his shoulder. "She'll be back in a minute I think. I'm pretty much done here anyway."

Clarisse smiled at the sight of Joseph working with his hands. She couldn't help but admire his arms in that old worn out t-shirt. "Why didn't you call housekeeping for a simple job like this?"

He opened the window with a satisfied smile. "When I have a chance to prove my manhood? No way!"

She chuckled.

He frowned, closing the window again. "I don't understand why she wants to open it anyway, it's bloody freezing out there."

"I know."

They interacted the same way they always did when they knew someone was bound to walk in on them. Not risking anyone hearing something that shouldn't be overheard; they were polite but friendly. Now however, Joseph's face turned more serious.

"I had a brief talk with Adrienne earlier."

"Oh?"

"She's some lady," he said.

She nodded in an amused manner. "Yes, she's quite the character."

"She kinda gave me the impression that she knew a few things about…us."

Clarisse's eyes widened and a sense of embarrassment and humiliation shot through her. "Oh, God, Joseph…I didn't mean…she shouldn't have said anything…"

Her reaction confirmed what he had already suspected. "I see," he chuckled. "It's okay Clarisse. It's fine. I'm glad you have someone to confide in. She seems to be a wonderful friend."

She took a few steps towards him, glancing over her shoulder to make sure the door was still closed. "I didn't tell her everything, Joseph, it's just that I…"

"…had to get it out?"

She blushed. "Yes."

"I can relate to that," he said. "It's hard to not talk about something when it is as consuming as this."

A sting of guilt shot through her, knowing he had no one to confide in himself. The risk for exposure would be too high and Joseph knew this. He would never put her in that position. "I'm so sorry Joseph…" she started, but was interrupted by the high-pitched ring of the phone. She frowned, glancing at the clock.

"That's probably Adrienne, asking me which cheese I want," Clarisse said.

He smiled, gesturing she should take it. "Gouda, always go for Gouda."

"Or mozzarella," she winked, and answered the phone. "Adrienne? Are you in the kitchen darling?"

While Clarisse talked, in Joseph's pocket his cell phone buzzed. Automatically, he took hold of his cell and flipped it open. A new message from Shades blinked in the display.

"_Eagle retired for the evening. Nightshift 23:00 –__ protocol briefing 8 am."_

Eagle retired? He frowned. It was protocol for the security team to be acknowledged by Clarisse when she had arrived in her suite and did not want to be disturbed for the rest of the evening. His team always let him know when that happened, so he could retire for the evening too. But this was clearly a mistake…Clarisse had certainly not retired.

Joseph sucked in a deep breath, reading the message again. Something was very off here. With his thumb he hit the button to get his colleague on the phone. As the signal sounded he walked into the bathroom, careful not to disturb Clarisse's phone call with her friend. She seemed agitated about something.

"Yes, boss?"

He spoke immediately. "What do you mean she has retired?"

Shades sounded confused. "I'm sorry Sir? The Queen has retired for the evening and is in her suite."

He shook his head, anger forming. "Really now?" he asked, a sarcastic tone evident in his voice. He glanced into the suite, and through the bathroom door he saw the object of their conversation shaking her head fiercely in response to her own conversation. He closed the door as he raised his voice in anger. "Are you sure about that?"

Shades didn't respond to his sarcasm. "Yes, sir. About tomorrow's briefing – you want the entire team present?"

He almost laughed, he had a few things to say to his team for sure. "Yes, I think that would be wise under the circumstances."

"Sir, is everything alright?"

He turned around. The door of the bathroom had quietly opened and he smiled apologetically at Clarisse, who stared at him with a strange expression on her face. His smile disappeared. "Well…I eh…"

"Boss?"

He raised a surprised brow at Clarisse, she was still staring at him but did not speak. "Yes, Shades, I'm here. But the Queen…"

His voice trailed off when Clarisse's eyes suddenly widened. She shook her head slightly, and put her finger on her lips.

"…Sir…?"

He hesitated for a second longer, then spoke in a casual tone. "…Told me this afternoon that she had a conference call tonight. I was just surprised that she finished this early, but now I realize that it must have been cancelled. Thanks, Shades."

"Goodnight sir."

He closed the connection and slid his phone back into his pocket. "You mind telling me what this is all about?"

A nervous smile appeared on her face. "I can't go back to my suite."

"What? Why not?"

"Well…" A soft blush drew across her cheek.

His heart almost leapt out of his chest, making the connection to the phone call he just made. "Because they think you are already there."

"Yes."

"But you're here," he said stupidly.

She chuckled shortly. "I'm pretty sure I am, yes. It looks like I got replaced." She looked at the phone in her hand.

"Replaced? By who?" Suddenly he knew the answer himself. "Adrienne?"

Clarisse nodded in a helpless gesture. "She's insane, that woman. She borrowed my coat. Combed her hair a little differently…"

His jaw dropped. "You're kidding me."

Shaking her head, her hand came up to tug her hair behind her ear and she smiled nervously. "Apparently she went to my quarters…."

He covered his mouth with one hand. "Oh god…."

Again that nervous smile. "Went into my suite…"

His hand lowered. "And sent out the message."

"Yes."

His mouth turned dry. "That is..."

"Preposterous!" Clarisse exclaimed. "I don't know what has gotten into her. All that talk about privacy, I should have known she was up to something!"

He scratched his head. "Well…"

"It's just so utterly juvenile and irresponsible. The woman is way too impulsive."

"That too."

"This could have some serious repercussions."

"Yes. Certainly."

Silence fell. Joseph's mind was reeling by this sudden turn of events and by the looks of it, Clarisse was in the same state. Here they were, frozen in the bathroom in the guest quarters of the palace. Hidden from the outside world. He stared at the marble sink, unable to speak.

"Do you think they bought it?" she suddenly asked softly, her eyes wide with disbelief.

He coughed. "It sounded like they did, yes."

She placed her hands in her neck in a concerned manner. "I really can't go back to my suite now without raising suspicions."

He shook his head. "No, she made sure of that."

"Oh god." She could hardly breathe through the nerves that exploded in her tummy. To get rid of them, she started to ramble. "I certainly hope you know I had absolutely nothing to do with this? I'm so sorry, Joseph, I honestly don't know what's wrong with her, pulling a stunt like this. This is humiliating! I'm so embarrassed I can't even think straight."

"Clarisse. Stop apologizing."

She didn't seem to listen. "She can't do this. I will call her back right now, perhaps I can arrange…"

He shot into motion, closing the bathroom door before she could leave. "Calm down. Think, Clarisse. She did this for a reason."

She stared at his hand, licking her dry lips. "But this is crazy," she whispered.

"Yes, it certainly is crazy," he whispered back. After a moment of silence he inhaled deeply. "But it would be even more crazy to not enjoy this unexpected chance for some privacy."

She turned her head slightly, meeting his warm gaze. A sharp tingle emerged in her stomach but she didn't revel in the sensation just yet. "But I can't ask you to change your plans for tonight just because Adrienne decided to lose her mind."

"Clarisse…"

He smiled calmly at her, trying to soothe her a bit. Slowly he turned her so she came to face him completely and he framed her face with both hands. "I'm nervous too," he whispered.

She glanced into his eyes, searching for an answer. "As much as I know she means well; she can't make this decision for us, Joseph."

"No, she can't. And she isn't," he said softly. For a few seconds, he forced himself to think. "Listen, why don't we go into the living room and start over? Let's pretend this is a normal evening."

She almost laughed. "A normal evening? My, by now former, best friend just locked me out of my own suite for the night and we have to pretend this is a normal evening?"

"We could try," he shrugged. "Listen, Adrienne pulled a crazy stunt but there's nothing we can do about it now. It already happened and we have to deal with it now. You have to calm down, Clarisse. See the fun in it."

"The fun…" she repeated. She stared at him in bewilderment. So often she had dreamed of being alone with him, but this was too much, too sudden.

"Now," he smiled. "There is something we have been putting off."

"Oh?"

He laughed, taking her by the hand and guiding her into the living room. "Let's watch a movie."

* * *

_TBC. You want to kill me now, don't you? Well I'm practically done with the next chapter so if and when you want me to, I should be able to update within a week or so :)_

As always, until next time.  
Love,  
Janet


	10. The Grand Finale

_Hello all, I'm back with an upate! It's the last chapter folks, can I get an "awwww..." please? ;) Before I start the chapter I have a warning for underaged members. This chapter contains some mature actions so to speak. Okay a lot of mature actions. This is the edited version however, I toned it down considerably for this website. However, it's still a tad, or maybe a LOT too spicy for young readers. Consider youselves warned before you start reading. If and when you want the unedited version, feel free to drop me a PM with your email address and after I verified your age, I will send it to you. _

_Are you ready for the end result of Adrienne's little trick? Here we go. This is..._

**The Grand Finale**

A little bit later, Clarisse found herself in the corner of the soft couch in the living room. Her nerves were still very much present but under the pretense of being lost in the movie, she could work her way around it.

Joseph sat next to her, not quite touching but close enough for her to feel his warmth, to smell his cologne. It was surreal to be there with him. In one way they were completely separated from the rest of the castle, and at the same time she felt as if she was the guest in a live talk show, watched by millions of people.

The movie Joseph had picked out for them, or rather the one that Adrienne had watched the night before, was light and easy. Thank god for that, she had enough trouble concentrating as it was.

"See, this is what I don't understand," she suddenly said, reaching out to the popcorn bowl on the table before them. Joseph had found a half open bag in the cabinet. "Men are so easy."

He leaned his head towards her, his eyes not leaving the screen. "Excuse me?"

She pointed at the screen, holding a single piece of popcorn. "That woman has been in love with that dark haired guy for over, what, a decade? And he never gave her the time of day. Now they meet up in that bar, after the grand make-over her so called friend gave her, and he goes home with her without even knowing who she is."

He chuckled. "Romantic, isn't it?"

She gasped. "That's not romantic, Joseph! He's merely using her to get over his feelings for…what's her name."

He frowned. "His wife?"

"No, the other one."

"His mistress?"

She shook her head. "That annoying blonde girl he was crying about 10 minutes ago."

"Ah, the ex-lover." He chuckled at the memory.

"Yes. Either way, he's just taking this woman home because he needs to…because he wants to…." She trailed off, shaking her head in disbelief.

"What?" He grinned now.

"Nothing."

"Have sex?" He said it casually, but his words caused an explosion in her stomach. She had started this discussion, but this was not the direction she intended it to go. Not the direction she could handle anyway.

She coughed, placing the popcorn bowl further away. "Your words, not mine. But it does prove my point, so thank you. This popcorn is disgusting, by the way."

He hit the remote; this was too interesting to let go. "So you're saying that men are easier when it comes to having sex than women?"

"Do we really have to talk about this?"

He shrugged. "Well we can talk about the movie, but it sucks."

She couldn't help but laugh. "It does."

He cleared his throat. "So, men are easier?"

Now she couldn't suppress a nervous smile. He refused to let it go, so she inhaled deeply. "Not necessarily easier, but yes, they are different. Women need to feel an emotional connection. While men, they just go for it when the mood is right."

He shook his head, gazing at her from the side. "Do you really believe that?"

"I don't just believe it, I know it."

"How?"

She blushed slightly, and shook her head dismissively. "Never mind. Please press 'play' – I want to see how it ends."

He held the remote out of reach. "Well, I happen to know a few women who 'go for it' too – this is not exclusively male behavior."

She raised her index finger and snatched the remote away from him. The movie started to play again. "Maybe some women do that, I suppose. I'm just saying that _most_ women need to have romantic feelings for the man they're about to…"

"Sleep with."

"Yes." More blood had rushed to her cheeks but she refused to give in. Quickly she took another sip of her wine to hide her nerves.

He frowned. "Too bad you can't go out, to visit a bar or something. If you could see what's out there, how people behave nowadays..."

She stared openly at him now, there was that word again. "Why do I have to get 'out' to know what's happening out there? Sexual morals may have changed over time, but the difference between men and women is as much psychological as it is biological. That will never change."

"So romance isn't a factor for men?"

She shook her head as if to make him stop. "Don't put words in my mouth."

"Well you don't like the popcorn, so…"

She chuckled against her will but she could no longer face him. "Joseph, it doesn't really matter."

"To me it does matter."

Silence fell. She shifted in her seat as nerves started to run freely in her stomach. She stared at the television again, trying to focus on the story that was being told. It was of no use. Joseph gently took the remote from her hand and stopped the movie; the screen turned to black. She froze in her seat, and her gaze remained on the television.

His hoarse sounding voice floated towards her. "Clarisse…"

"Mmm?"

"Look at me."

It took her a few long seconds to respond to his request. His dark eyes blazed into hers and slowly he reached out, taking her trembling hand in his. "Just for the record - my feelings for you are very real and very deep. And very..," he smiled softly, "…romantic."

She managed to smile through her nerves, but her smile disappeared when she felt his soft lips on her hand. Butterflies whirled in her tummy likes leaves in an autumn storm. "I know that," she whispered.

"I wonder if you really do know it." He placed more kisses on her hand, his lips so soft and tender. Then he looked up, meeting her gaze, his voice taking on a sudden urgency. "Do you realize how insanely in love I am with you? My darling, if you hadn't answered my love, it wouldn't have kept me from loving you or wanting to be with you. Romance is a factor, a big factor for me. I don't want you to think that way about men. About me."

She didn't answer, as she stared into his comforting, familiar eyes. They seemed darker somehow. In his eyes she read his promise, his commitment to her, the commitment that she both feared and longed for so passionately.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked softly. "When did you know…I mean, when did it start?"

He smiled. "Are you asking me how long I've been in love with you?"

A blush drew across her cheeks again, and she nodded quietly.

He inhaled purposely through his nose, sighing deeply. "I have asked myself that question about a 1000 times. Truth is, I don't really know. One day you were just…in here." He brought her hand to his chest.

A warm glowing feeling emerged in her heart and spread through her veins. "It's a nice place to be in," she said.

"See how romantic men can be?" he said jokingly, to which she chuckled softly.

"Very romantic," she whispered. For just a few seconds longer she stared into his warm, loving eyes. Her body was pushed into a higher gear through its own volition. Her heart started to pound, warning her, preparing her to run away. But the second she decided not to run, an enticing feeling emerged in her stomach and teasingly traveled lower. Wetting her lips, she slid her trembling hand away from his chest, up to his face. She framed his cheek, feeling his stubble tickling her skin.

"Clarisse…" he whispered. He covered her hand with his own. Then, slowly, he brought her hand around his neck. Unable to remove her gaze from his, she instinctively raised her other hand to his face as well. He slowly leaned forward, and whispered into her ear, "Do you know what I'm going to do?"

A wave of lust made her dizzy, and she breathed deeply to slow her pounding heart. He ignited feelings in her that she never thought possible. Around him, she was simply a woman in love with a man; a woman of soul, a woman of passion. For the life of her, she could not say a word. In stead, she just blinked up into his dark, burning eyes. She heard the slight catch of his breath and felt a shiver tighten the broad shoulders beneath her hands.

She recognized that look and knew how to respond. Right before her eyes fell shut, she heard his low murmur. "I'm going to thank Adrienne."

And then he kissed her, first slowly, tentatively, but within seconds his mouth opened over hers, his tongue delving inside her. He was too eager and too impatient to be gentle. They had already started this seduction in a most subtle way, in all the times they had kissed before: when she had kissed him in the garden, when he had kissed her in her office, and later on in the screening room. Their very first date, when his hands started to drift across her body for the very first time, holding her like he was holding her now. It had been heaven, god help him it was still heaven…but oh he wanted more. So much more.

Clarisse shifted her weight just a little so she came to lean against him just a little more, smiling faintly when he hungrily pulled her even closer. They had taught each other to want the other, to be hungry for a kiss, a touch; steadily and knowingly building their need.

She was entirely lost in his arms, lost in the sweetness of his mouth. His tongue slid inside her mouth again, warm and demanding, as if desperately searching for something he had been looking for. And she wanted to be found by him. She opened further, encouraging his exploration; surrendering to the incredible passion rising within her. For each moment he drew her closer, something sweet and burning built deep inside her and she clung closer to him helplessly.

His hands traveled across her back, no longer soft and tender, but eager and possessive. And then his hand slid lower, down her blouse, even lower to the edge of her skirt, then finally he touched her silk covered leg. For just a second she stilled in his arms but then he caught the shiver inside her, the shiver that told him he was doing the right thing, that he was right where she wanted him to be. A deep groan escaped him as he pulled her knee a little towards him and caught a glimpse of her thigh.

There was something edgy about him; something dark and unknowable, that had attracted her to him since the moment they had been introduced to one another. He was open and giving, tender and sincere – and yet there was some kind of mystery in those dark eyes, a mystery she suspected no woman would ever fully understand That edge of danger made being with him even more intense, even more addictive. His hand had blessedly slid to her thigh and was now stroking and caressing her skin; a touch so intimate and stimulating that she gasped for air.

It was too much too handle. With one quick movement he moved her onto his lap, feeling her hesitate for just a second, before surrendering to his caresses even more. He could barely breathe, sliding his hands to her perfect roundness. Her kisses drowned him; she was rough, then soft, hungry and eager, then devastatingly sweet.

"Oh god, Clarisse…" he breathed. There was only so much he could take. She was leaning against him and his hands hungrily roamed over her back. Her shallow intakes of breath were music to his ears as his hands slid underneath her jacket. And then it happened naturally; he shifted a little and lifted her off the couch just an inch, using his weight to move her off of his lap and onto her back. Immediately her trembling hands moved to his shoulders; possessively bringing him with her as she laid back. They could hardly balance there on the small sofa but somehow they managed, still kissing, grasping, panting.

The pleasure he brought to her was indescribable. The sensation in the deepest corners of her body was indefinable. She only knew she didn't want him to stop; not this time…not ever. They had already waited long enough to love each other. With trembling fingers she tugged his shirt up out of his pants, exposing his skin for her eager explorations. Her fingers slid excitedly underneath the fabric, tracing his spine. In response, his tongue delved deeper inside her mouth and she moaned in desperation. No longer could she take it. This was it; this was the moment of ultimate surrender. It was time.

"Joseph…" she panted. "Darling," she whispered as his mouth continued its assault. "Please, Joseph…stop…"

Immediately he stopped, blinking and disoriented. He placed his hands near her face, lifting himself up. "What is it?"

She smiled faintly at him, trying to control her trembling voice. "We can't do this here…"

It was like his heart sank into his shoes and he pulled away, panting still, staring at her in bewilderment and disbelief. "What?"

She couldn't smother a giggle at his failed attempt to hide his disappointment. Quickly she sat up straight too and kissed him. "I just think the bedroom would be more comfortable," she whispered against his lips.

His heart practically jumped out of his chest, realizing her intentions. For the life of him, he could not respond. He could only nod.

Their eyes were only inches away from each other and Clarisse held her breath; the realization what they were about to do hit her with full force. "I just…I need a moment," she said softly. "I will be right back."

She tried to free herself from him, but his grasp on her tightened. "Are you all right?" he asked, a worried undertone evident in his voice.

"I'm more than all right," she whispered, moving away from him. "One moment."

When the bathroom door closed behind her, she immediately moved toward the mirror. Her reflection stared back at her, and she held her breath at the sight. Her hair was a mess, her lips were swollen somehow, and her cheeks as flushed as if she had run a few miles. Her eyes seemed to be larger and darker than usual, a strange sight. Somehow she didn't know this woman in the mirror, and yet she wanted to get to know her better so desperately.

Automatically, her hands straightened her wrinkled clothes and then she realized the stupidity in that. Continuing to stare at her own reflection, she took off her cashmere jacket with trembling fingers, revealing the sheer, white satin blouse underneath.

"Honestly, Clarisse…calm down" she whispered to herself, combing her hair back in a failed attempt to gain more self confidence. Suddenly she noticed the half open bag of toiletries on the shelf behind her – Adrienne's, she realized. Turning around, she grabbed the small bag and moved back to the mirror, studying the contents. Quickly she applied a little powder to her nose and cheeks and, smelling the bottle before she used it, quickly sprayed a spritz of perfume behind her ears. Then she paused, shaking her head. "Oh, what are you doing?"

Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply to slow down her heart rate. Heaven help her, was she truly doing this? Was she really about to sleep with Joseph? Delicious butterflies and sharp stings of nerves fought a battle in her stomach, testing her resolve. But why was she so nervous? It wasn't as if this was her first time consummating a relationship. Although it did bring back memories.

She paused for a moment, remembering. She had stood in front of another bathroom mirror under similar circumstances once before, so many years ago. Her new husband had been waiting for her then, just as Joseph was waiting for her now. She had been nervous then, too; yet it was a different kind of nervous. Back then it was the fear of the unknown; the added pressure of an arranged marriage, one with incredibly high stakes for both of them; the need to make it work not only for themselves, but for the sake of the country as well. God, how young and unsure they had been.

She opened her eyes again, breathing out slowly through her mouth. She and Rupert had hardly known each other then. Somehow they had managed to overcome the awkwardness of the intimate moments they shared in the early months of their marriage; they had grown to love each other and had learned to please each other. They had built a life and a family together; a wonderful life. The physical aspect of their marriage had been warm and gentle, and had remained so until the end. Theirs had been a relationship based on mutual respect and trust; they were in it together. Friends forever more. But as much as she had treasured that warm tenderness in her life, she knew that the feelings she and Joseph shared were very different.

She swallowed as her hand slid to her chest; her fingers inching under the neckline of her blouse. And now she was here, about to share that most intimate of connections with another man. A man she had chosen for herself; a love she had discovered on her own, as much as she had tried to look the other way. A man she wanted more than any other. She trusted Joseph, god how she trusted him. It wasn't just the safety he offered or the comfort he provided. It wasn't the look of his toned body, his handsome face with that delicious half-smile. Or those dark, smouldering, slightly lazy eyes of his that promised a woman paradise if given half the chance. No, it was how he made her feel. Complete. Wanted. And what stood out mostly this evening: desired.

She shivered and her fingers slowly opened the top button of her blouse, revealing a hint of the lace on her bra and the ample cleavage underneath. The effect was an immediate shift in her appearance from business to pleasure. Her legs weakened underneath her, just thinking of his hands and mouth on her body. This was the ultimate moment, this was what they had been building towards and she was ready, oh she was ready to take the final step with him. For the very first time, she had made a decision based on emotion and pure and raw instinct.

"Please god," she whispered as she dabbed a little perfume in her decolletage. "Don't make me regret this."

Joseph inhaled deeply and studied his surroundings without being able to think clearly. He had first dimmed the lights, then decided to shut them off completely, then turned them on again. Finally he had decided to leave one small light on in the bedroom, creating a soft romantic ambiance. Adrienne had already put away all her personal belongings and the bed was freshly made that same day. There was nothing more to do.

So he waited. First sitting on the bed, then standing up. He had stood in front of the window, peeking through the closed curtains. As often as he had imagined this moment, this was so unexpected that he wished he had more time to prepare. He wanted everything to be perfect. But heaven have mercy, it was happening. He finally had the chance to show her just how much he loved her.

He had been thinking of her so often, in all the years he had known and loved her. Just thinking about her made places low in his belly spasm. Made his skin tingle and his vision blurry. Made his breathing come short, sharp and irregular. All those lonely and dark nights in his secluded bedroom had been bearable, because he could think of her.

But now, standing in the bedroom of the guest quarters of the Genovian Palace overlooking the ocean – so wild, strong, and uncontrolled – he felt intensely alive and vital. Every nerve ending was loaded with electricity. His body and soul were yearning for her…for Clarisse. He had never been more ready in his life. Drawing a deep breath, he heard the bathroom door open behind him.

"Joseph…"

He turned toward her, his eyes meeting hers; and in that moment he knew his world would be forever changed. Clarisse leaned against the doorpost, smiling shyly as she continued to meet his gaze. She had removed her jacket, but was still in her blouse and skirt. Barefoot, she stood with one perfectly pedicured foot leaning on the other. She was more than just beautiful; he knew that. How many times over the years had he witnessed how longingly men had looked at her. How her delicate features and elegant manner made men turn their heads; made them wonder what it would be like to touch those feminine curves, to stroke that creamy skin. Without her realizing it, her every gesture, every turn, was an invitation for men to gaze at her. And that's what he did now. He gazed at her. And, after loving her for so many years, it was to him that she was offering herself.

She stood waiting for him. Calmly. Seductively. So sensual. So sexual.

He inhaled sharply, took one slow step forward and then he hurried towards her as if she would vaporize in smoke if he waited any longer. A helpless sigh escaped her and she moved too, meeting him halfway.

Warm lips, sensual and driven, caught hers as they kissed each other so hard and so long that they finally lost their balance and tumbled onto the bed. The power of her own desire wasn't surprising to her anymore; she was completely lost to the want and need he awoke in her. Never had she felt like this before; her hunger for him so insatiable, so helpless and so urgent.

Desperately she tried to get control of her shivering body. She tried to let go of the nerves that shot through her; kissing him was familiar, that part she knew. But now she was flat on her back with him half on top of her and his lips had left hers; now he had discovered the sensitive area of her neck and chest. She turned her head in a silent invitation to him to continue and he took it, sliding down a sensual path with his tongue. Eyes falling shut, she stroked his back with one hand; her other hand on the back of his neck, encouraging him to continue his caresses. Delicious sharp tingles filled her tummy and shot lower, making her breathing even more uncontrolled. God she was losing her self control. Restlessly she pulled one leg up, then let it fall again.

He traced the v-neck of her blouse with his index finger, slowly, teasingly, as if he was postponing opening a present. His heart jumped when he finally undid the first button he encountered, exposing more of the delicacy of her lingerie and her feminine curves underneath. Joseph let out a shuddering breath just looking at her. In his wildest dreams he couldn't have imagined what it would be like to see her like this; eyes half shut, her lips slightly parted, her breath rising and falling quickly. He took in her scent; it invited him closer and he couldn't do much else but surrender to its call.

For a moment Clarisse was torn by the maddening hunger for more, and the fear of losing control completely. She lost track of where all his hands and mouth roamed; all she knew was the jolts of passion that traveled from her chest to her lower tummy. "Oh god…" she breathed. She instinctively arched her back underneath him on the mattress, and he took the opportunity to push her blouse off her shoulders, slowly, carefully; finally removing it completely.

She tasted so good, so mind-blowingly sweet. Soft moans escaped her lips, a sound as arousing to him as nothing he had ever heard before. He could stay there forever, just tasting her, pleasing her, making her whimper. But suddenly Clarisse framed his face with both hands and pulled him up, forcing him to focus his attention on her mouth again. He stilled, slightly surprised at her perseverance, when she shifted her weight and rolled them both over, kissing him so deeply he could hardly breathe.

Her fingers trailed along his jaw while she dipped her tongue inside his mouth, and then she slid one hand to his chest. She had felt his torso before, back in the screening room, but laying with him now he seemed even more masculine, even more tempting. She moved her head lower to rain slow, lazy kisses on his jaw. She felt him sigh when her mouth reached his neck but she didn't stop tasting him. One hand still trailed across his chest but slowly slid lower, finally reaching his flat, toned stomach. Once again, her hand reached under the fabric of his shirt.

He struggled to breathe normally as he felt his abdominal muscles contract as a result of her touch. Her hand was insistent; determined to pull the fabric away from him. In a quick movement he sat up and helped her with her quest, pulling his shirt over his head. Within seconds her lips were back on his mouth, gently coaxing him to lay down again. She opened his lips with her tongue, so sexual, so full of heat. Aroused to a point he had never known, he felt her hands sliding down again, tracing his jaw, his neck, his cheek and then moving down farther to stroke his contracting stomach. Though his mind was begging her to continue, his hands moved on top of hers, stopping her.

Losing control, he was rougher than he intended to be as he rolled them back over; desperately needing to feel her beneath him once again. He could feel Clarisse trembling in his arms, or perhaps it was he who was trembling, he didn't know for certain. If even possible, his desire grew, the sexual tension becoming as thick as fog.

The rest of their clothes were removed in a matter of seconds and then finally she felt the warm skin of his entire body touching hers. She gasped at the contact, electricity sparked the air around them. Her body yearned for this man, for the most intimate touch he could provide. She had buried her desire for him for so long, but suddenly it seemed to be all that mattered.

Joseph had never known a time when he could not hold back. It had never mattered before how much he wanted to be with someone, or how attractive a woman was, his control had never been truly tested. But now, with Clarisse being the one whimpering underneath him, his own body trembled with need and he went where he wanted to be. Where he needed to be.

Her heart beat so fast she couldn't breathe normally. Sweet heavens, this was it, it was happening. Every fibre in her body shouted out to him, needed him. She wanted Joseph. She longed for his promise.

"Joseph…" Her voice, thick with passion, reached his ears, and he stilled.

There was one moment, one pause, one magnifying second in which he looked her straight in the eye. She saw it in his eyes, hidden beneath that wound up passion, his overwhelming desire for her, was concern and devotion. He was asking her permission; he needed to know that she was sure. She didn't have to say a word. She knew he saw the answer he was looking for in her eyes; which were filled with a love and desire that matched his own.

And then, all coherent thought fled for a long, long time.

* * *

As she felt him leave her body, her head fell back on the pillow, and she felt herself shaking all over. Tiny shocks of sharp, delicious, passionate feelings were still shooting through her body, but they gradually slowed down in pace and intensity. Her body was slowly coming down from the heights he had brought her to. The heights they had reached together.

As if they knew it would be a perfect fit, he opened his arms so she could place her head on his chest. She bathed in his warmth, inhaling his now familiar scent. And as they lay entwined, the sheets and blankets in a pile at their feet, they both lost sense of time. There was no awareness of where they were, of whatever repercussions they would have to face a few hours later. There were just together, still, quiet, seeking comfort in each other's arms.

She was safe. She was with Joseph. Her heart was slowing down, so was her breathing. Laying against him like this, in the warm tenderness of afterglow, was perhaps even more fulfilling than everything that had happened between them before. And suddenly it was too much. This night, the reality of this wonderful life-altering night, had finally caught up with her.

"Clarisse…" It was merely a whisper but she heard the concern in his voice. She shook her head quietly, snuggling even closer to the warm comfort of his body. It took her a few long seconds before she could speak past the tears choking her.

"I love you, Joseph."

She felt him stiffen, instantly alert, and for a moment he was silent, his body frozen. "My darling…"

To her horror, her throat closed under the weight of her emotions, and she closed her eyes in an attempt to stop the tears that she knew were coming. Yet they fought their way out, unable to be controlled.

Hot waves of concern shot through him and he tried to lift her cheek off his chest, searching her gaze. "My love…" When she hid her face in the safety of his chest, he felt her warm tears sliding across his skin. "Clarisse…"

She struggled to speak but her voice wouldn't let her. "I'm so in love with you. For all this time I didn't know...no I did know, but I didn't want to let it in."

"Darling, it's okay. You couldn't let it in."

She didn't seem to listen and finally she gazed up at him with big teary eyes. "And I keep asking myself if it's real. If we're really here." Her tender, shy smile warmed his heart. "Is it real, Joseph?"

He swallowed hard. How could he reassure when he had to remind himself every day he wasn't living in a dream. "Yes it's real. It's very real." He brought her even closer to his heart and kissed her hair, smelling her scent. He could feel each shuddering breath she took. "And I love you. I have always loved you, Clarisse. I always will."

Her arm curled around his waist as she buried herself in his embrace, warm and tender. Two hearts who loved and were being loved were beating as one. For this moment in time, the world made sense.

**

* * *

**

"Boss, there seems to be something wrong with the video feed," Jonathan Styles said to his supervisor, brows furrowed.

"Oh?" Shades pushed his chair back from the desk and opened his own connection with the main computer, studying the image closely. He adjusted the controls on the monitor in an attempt to see it more clearly.

Jonathan leaned over his shoulder. "Respectfully, sir, I already tried that. See how the picture is all fuzzy there? I've searched, but some of the footage from last night has been encrypted somehow. I can't make the image any clearer than that."

Shades nodded, studying the blurry images on the wall. "I see what you mean."

"If you want me to, I can ask the IT team to try to restore the damaged footage?"

Shades glanced quickly at his eager, young colleague, then returned his gaze calmly to his computer. "No, no...I don't think that will be necessary, it just seems to be a slight glitch in the system. Thank you, Styles. I've got it covered."

"But Sir, I could call them right now to..." Jonathan attempted to move towards the phone, but froze at the stern tone of his supervisor.

"I said I've got it covered, Styles. You can go now."

Jonathan took a step back, nodding politely. "Yes, sir."

Shades immediately regretted the sharpness of his tone. "I'll call them myself. It's just that the footage that appears to be fuzzy is from late last night. I was on duty myself. It seems to be a slow night, so I don't think we need to worry. I'll make sure that IT takes a look at the cameras that seem to be affected."

As the younger man left the security centre, Shades shook his head calmly and moved his gaze toward the screen once more. His fingers flew over the keyboard, typing his commands. A minute later, the blurry images on the screen sharpened until they were as crystal clear as ever. He watched as a woman with short dark, blonde hair quickly strolled through the hallways, her head slightly bent, and entered the Queen's chambers.

On a different screen, a similar image appeared in the east wing of the palace, walking towards the guest quarters. There, the other woman disappeared from sight.

Shades whistled through his teeth, before hitting a few more keys. He had seen this footage earlier, all right. Not quite as slow a night as he had led on.

"Now," Shades mumbled, reaching for his mouse. "Let's make sure this stays blurry, shall we?"

A few moments later, the screen turned black and all there was left was a peaceful silence. The man behind the computer smiled. It looked like things were starting to make sense around the palace.

Finally.

**THE END**

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_I hope you like what I wrote - it's sure been quite a struggle at times! It took me almost a year to get this all out, and still I feel like I haven't said enough. There's just so much to say and think and feel when it comes to our favourite couple - I think I'll have to dream up my next story now. __I'd like to thank the people around me who I bugged endlessly about details and storylines and chapters and cliffhangers and so on. You know who you are, I could not have done this without you. Thank you dear readers, for sticking by me and leaving me a review. _

_You don't know what those reviews mean to me, they truly make my day, my week, my month! They give a writer wings! _

_Until next time,_

_love Janet xxx_


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